In America, if you're not extroverted and talkative, you're an outcast

[meco1999]

I don't know how it is in other countries, but in America, if you're very quiet and not extroverted and talkative, you're an outcast. You're made fun of and insulted at school as a kid by both kids and school staff. You're made fun of and insulted at work as an adult by your boss and co-workers. Your own family may even make fun of you, insult you, and eventually cast you off, as mine did. You're made to feel like a loser. No wonder we American S.A. sufferers become so isolated and don't like people very much after experiencing this treatment all of our lives.

[cavemanslaststand]

I agree, and even in the movies we shifted from worshipping quiet, subtle James Dean to idolizing loud, brash aHoles like Tom Cruise.

Even generationally, I remembered when our great-grandparents were quieter pensive farmer people too, and it was not acceptable for us to make a scene and be drama queens.

Even dress styles have become loud and obnoxious.

Not arguing for oppressive rules against individuality. Just saying.

Return to reticence. Peace out.

[AceRimmer]

Originally Posted by cavemanslaststand

Not arguing for oppressive rules against individuality.

The rules already oppress individuality. If you're not what is considered "normal", you get treated like crap. Those of us with introversion and/or SA are not considered normal. We're all expected to be extroverted, yapping clones who dress, talk, and act the same. Unless you have some really unique talent or get lucky, you're not allowed to deviate from it.

[lyssado707]

I agree. I wish I grew up in China.

[David777]

Unfortunately this appears to be true, shy socially awkward people are seen as being weak, losers, lacking masculinity, etc. As for myself I am just thankful that, judging from my look, you'd have a hard time knowing that I am socially awkward. However, once someone attempts to get to know me, the moment I open my mouth they know something is wrong.

Which just causes me to want to keep to myself even more. I mean, why make this side of myself known if by keeping to myself I can keep it hidden? I'd much rather be seen as the angry loner, than to be seen as the socially awkward loser who is always by himself because he is unable to make friends.

The only time I really have to deal with it is when I have a job, and that's because I spend so much time with those people that it is impossible to hide. And once they do find out, though I'm not made fun of, it is very obvious that I've become an outcast.

[Marooned]

The US is a very hostile place to live for the meek, introverted, anxious, or intellectually inclined outside of some of its more liberal enclaves, but even there conformity is paramount. It is a hypercompetitive society in so many ways, from the obsession with sport to the consumptive one-upmanship that is the sole aim of most of our pursuits, that those who are unwilling or unable to participate in the madness are quite conspicuous and tend to provoke the ire of their compatriots for daring to be different. It's rather ironic considering that Americans pride themselves above all else on their freedom and individualism. Apparently that freedom is restricted to the freedom to consume and that individualism limited to the handful of identities and behaviors manufactured by our corporate masters, because when I look around at the people in this country, I have a hard time seeing anything but a nation of conformists who are most interested in money, prestige, appearances, and the latest gadgetry, and terrified or contemptuous of anyone or anything that doesn't look or think exactly as they do. As a product of this environment, I see some of these traits in myself as well.

The same is likely to be true to some extent in other western countries, but the US seems to be unique in this modern brand of browbeating, both within its borders and on the world stage. From the country's inception, we have had little concern for the needs of the less fortunate or those different from ourselves and have been all too willing to employ violence and intimidation to get what we want from them: The slaughter of the natives and Mexicans to appropriate the land for ourselves, the institution of slavery, the repression of women, the exploitation of workers, the imperial conquests that resulted (and continue to result) in the deaths of countless innocents. Our history is really little more than two centuries of bullying the rest of the world into submission, so perhaps it's little wonder that we treat each other so poorly. One can only be thankful that we've reached a point where ostracism has replaced lynching as the preferred mode of punishment for genetic variation.

[CeilingStarer]

Australia is exactly the same. I'd say that most societies around the globe favour the talkative extrovert.

[howard26]

But honestly, do you want to run with the pack? I don't. At this point in my life, i've accepted it. People can't get under my skin like they used to. I think our bunch will be better off later in life. I've seen it. I recently had a conversation with this guy who always tries to give me advice, and i was almost to the point of saying "but i don't want to be like you". He admitted that he married too young, and wished he had time for his hobbies. I have to admit, i was laughing inside.

[gaz]

I don't think this problem is confined to America alone. Every country favours talkative and outgoing people. Introverts/shy people are outcasted everywhere.

[au Lait]

I'm shy and introverted, and I've never felt like an outcast. I have gone through periods of feeling isolated, but that isolation was brought on by my own behavior. It was a self imposed isolation due to being too shy/anxious to reach out to others.

People who are shy or have SA tend to avoid social situations. And people make friends by putting themselves into social situations. So it's not like we're "outcasts" really. It's just that being introverted means we set ourselves up for less opportunities to make friends.

[Kon]

In America, if you're not extroverted and talkative, you're an outcast

Even if true, if you're truly introverted would you even care that you're an outcast? My problem is more that I wish I could be more of an outcast but I'm not allowed (e.g. need to work, etc.).

[Gamer85]

i dont feel like an outcast. this is just part of who i am.

[Social42]

Have any of you read the book, "Quiet -- The Power of Introverts in a World That Won't Stop Talking." by Susan Cane? I think that it's a very insightful book and addresses the history of this issue in American society. Plus it looks at how Asian societies put less emphasis on being an extrovert. (I'm not done with the book; I'm about 3/4 through.) It really made me feel much better about my shyness, although "introvert" is not equivalent to just being shy, and not all introverts are shy. Introverts typically get energy from being alone and working on solitary projects, but also may enjoy the company of other people. However, they need more time alone than a typical "extrovert".

[TrcyMcgrdy1]

Originally Posted by meco1999

I don't know how it is in other countries, but in America, if you're very quiet and not extroverted and talkative, you're an outcast. You're made fun of and insulted at school as a kid by both kids and school staff. You're made fun of and insulted at work as an adult by your boss and co-workers. Your own family may even make fun of you, insult you, and eventually cast you off, as mine did. You're made to feel like a loser. No wonder we American S.A. sufferers become so isolated and don't like people very much after experiencing this treatment all of our lives.

Common misconception about introverts is that they are anti social wall flowers. So far from the truth. Introverts like to socialize, they just get drained from the process, whereas extroverts gain energy and life from socializing and being the life of the party. I think, what you mean is, If you are socially awkward and don't have the ability to socialize well, you are an outcast. Just because you are not an extrovert and talkative doesn't make you an outcast. By saying that if you aren't extroverted an talkative, you are an outcast is making quite a large percentage of the general population an oucast. But I do understand what you mean, extroversion is rewarded whereas being socially inept is frowned upon.

[laura024]

Oh, and if you're quiet and introverted, people get suspicious and think you're the next James Holmes when there is actually NO profile of a killer.

Introverts contribute to society in meaningful ways. Many people don't realize this, and should be educated. We don't need to be converted. We are fine how we are.

You know what I say? **** stereotypes and live as you wish. It's your life. If you haven't done any harm to yourself or others, you should be left alone.

[onemoregirl]

In American society, it is easy for introverts to feel as though they are swimming against the tide, but I agree with the poster above that there comes a time when you just need to be ok with it and realize, 'This is who I am and there are others out there just like me.'

I wonder how many introverts out there are trying to act like extroverts, and at what personal cost to them? Speaking personally, I attempted an extroverted career in small-town journalism where I had to wear all the 'hats': Interviewing, writing, editing, photography, page layout. The deadlines were constant and the interaction with people in a highly-stressful office caused me to become worn down and prone to panic attacks (a tyrannical boss didn't help matters, either). Thankfully, I left that job and now work at a library, which is more suited to my personality. While I am not a 'pavement-pounder' anymore, off to cover that important story, I am much happier in a job that allows me to show my true personality: Introverted, and great one-on-one with patrons as I help the find a book, movie, or assist them on the computers.

[dust3000]

Some people are insecure and take it personally when the socially anxious person doesn't talk to them or seems to ignore them.

[wrongnumber]

Originally Posted by Kon

Even if true, if you're truly introverted would you even care that you're an outcast?

Are introverts really meant to be that complacent? Maybe an extreme introvert wouldn't mind being an outcast, but that's rare. I think most introverts still desire low-key socialising and acceptance in social groups.

[onemoregirl]

Originally Posted by wrongnumber

Are introverts really meant to be that complacent? Maybe an extreme introvert wouldn't mind being an outcast, but that's rare. I think most introverts still desire low-key socialising and acceptance in social groups.

This is my feeling; I need friends, just not too many of them; and they need to be deep and enriching friendships, at that. I long for a friendship where I can talk one-on-one with someone about deep subjects like philosophy, religion, politics, creativity and etc. I actually feel like I get a 'high' or a 'buzz' after that sort of conversation. It's enriching imo.

[Rocketman1973]

It's the same problem in Canada as well. I've always been the quiet, reserved one and have always been an out cast. This is pretty much why I have absolutely no friends. People tend to stay away from me, including what pathetic family I have left.