How do you handle being out in the world?

[Atticus]

I'm able to do some things that many people who are members here really struggle with. This is a blessing and a curse. I work, I have a family, and I'm in a relationship, which together are most of the pieces that make up a typical social life. But the obligations related to these things are what set my SA engines firing.

For example, right now at work and with my kids' activities I'm getting a lot of requests to help with fund raising. This is exactly the kind of loose social activity that I almost never do. Being involved triggers my symptoms in a big way. Not being involved becomes a source of embarrassment in front of others and a private reminder that I'm pretty limited to a few "safe" areas of life.

Sometimes I think getting involved in anything is the problem, because there's always a little more that's expected. Does that make any sense?

[Bon]

I avoid situations like this at all cost, or do what I can outside the norm. I know the fund raising is an example but here it's done by the PTO, I repeat, I avoid at all cost....That group is clickish as wee wee.

If you start with fund raising, then someone else will have a request and you'll feel obligated to say yes, and that forces your comfort level.

I have learned two things.....If I REALLY want to do something I will, if I don't, and I don't because PART of the reason is my comfort , then I don't...I don't beat myself up anymore.

In my one thread, I wrote where a classmates mom of H, wanted to get together, I did what any parent would with SA in the area I live....I pretended I never got the business card;-) the dog ate it.

Be true to yourself......Do what you want....At this point in life, we don't have to force anything.

[kelso]

Totally agree with BON "at this point in life we don't have to force anything".
If you have a good look you will discover it isn't just people with SA that can't do fund raising.They don't feel guilty so why should you?
Why stress yourself so much that you muck up what you already have? By the sounds of it you have heaps to be proud of! Stuff the fund raising.

[EremitaGermanus]

How do you handle being out in the world?

As much as a disadvantage it may be in many situations but being single and having obligations only for oneself helps me tremendously.
On the other hand I can never really lean back and delegate responsibilities to anybody else.
So, I guess, that's interplay of two forces and that's what keeps me going.

[Bon]

I didn't mean to play off what you were feeling. Rather I was trying to point out, correct what you can.

The source of humiliation comes from within.

I know in the past when I had to help my ex, he was this VP of a club, we would sell tickets, we would go down to Novi, put a table up, or at Sleeping Hollow.......Our group always sold the most tickets, always, I was on, I was talkative, I was lively.....(I was also very thin and blonde but that's has nothing to do with this post) the secret........I had a support person, someone that knew me. That ALWAYS helps.

Could I go with you (Not I, but........you know), help you, one of your kids to whatever it maybe, it's always easier for me when I have a support person.

Then, if something is going to make me feel worse, and it's not a big deal in my heart, then I simply won't do it. But, if I have to answer to myself later, where it's going to be an area where I kick the wee wee out of myself, then I have to do it.

Again, you don't have to do anything, all the hype "Be all you can, do this, do that, be well rounded" wee wee that! I'm not doing anything that's going to cause me more harm then good. We can find other reasons to beat up on ourselves...So can the world.....