Social Anxiety Support

rubyruby · 09-27-2009, 09:14 AM

I find this so amazing. Yesterday a co-worker of my husbands dropped by our house for a quick visit and I was too afraid to go outside to say hi.

Isn't this just amazing that at this age (I'm in my early 50's) this is still a problem. Meeting a new person.

There is almost a silliness to this whole disorder.

leonardess · 09-27-2009, 09:16 AM

Well, it's certainly irrational, so that does leave a lot of room for silliness. I still don't meet new people easily.

EremitaGermanus · 09-27-2009, 09:47 AM

I've grown accustomed to most of my what I call quirks!

And unless my life depends on it or it is really, really important to me, I can even laugh about many. Well..., maybe not right in that moment, but often when looking back at certain situations.

I found it relieving making peace with many things I can absolutely not change, along with SA. Which doesn't mean that I quit working on myself, but it's less pressure that way!

Who knows? Maybe your guest was even glad, that you didn't come out! He might have certain anxieties also!

FishingWithLoki · 09-27-2009, 08:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubyruby

I find this so amazing. Yesterday a co-worker of my husbands dropped by our house for a quick visit and I was too afraid to go outside to say hi.

Isn't this just amazing that at this age (I'm in my early 50's) this is still a problem. Meeting a new person.

There is almost a silliness to this whole disorder.

Doesn't surprise me. I'm the same way. When I'm home by myself, I won't answer the door. It's not because I don't like my neighbors; it's more that I don't trust myself to 'say the right thing.' I'm afraid of looking/sounding stupid.

Amelia · 09-29-2009, 05:55 AM

I don't answer the door either. Sometimes, I don't even answer phone calls!

I think the older you get the sillier it seems because other people tolerate it less. SA -- or let's just call it "shyness" or "self-consciousness" because that's how most people will perceive it -- is charming in a child, expected in a teen and understandable in someone in their 20s. But once people are in their 30s and beyond, they're usually expected to have grown out of any social awkwardness, or to be able to hide it. If they haven't, other people will be less likely to put the behaviour down to shyness than to weirdness and/or immaturity.

TreeFrog · 09-29-2009, 08:08 AM

Unfortunately I find it gets worse as I age along with my other psychological issues. That is why I am determined to work on it.

When I look around at people and relatives I know-I see the same thing with their issues getting worse. I've seen family members turn into hoarders, a friend who used to go out now hardly ever leaves the house after he gets home from work bc he is afraid, another is more and more afraid of crowds, etc.

So-it is my opinion that if we don't work on these issues then they build upon themselves.

For instance I have a paranoia of being attacked, raped and possibly killed. I have started carrying a knife with me more and more (as if that will help). Any little noise I sit up in bed and may check all the rooms.

And the most recent-on a road trip a friend wanted to stop at this roadside store that was this stand alone warehouse building. We were in an unfamiliar town and I thought it looked creepy-so I said okay but let me take my knife in case. She was like, "It's just a store. It will be okay."

Thinking back on this-I see how ridiculous it was, but it is this fear that drives me and seems to be getting worse. (maybe too many horror movies as a kid and the women in my family taught me to be cognizant of this)

epril · 09-29-2009, 12:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amelia

I don't answer the door either. Sometimes, I don't even answer phone calls!

I think the older you get the sillier it seems because other people tolerate it less. SA -- or let's just call it "shyness" or "self-consciousness" because that's how most people will perceive it -- is charming in a child, expected in a teen and understandable in someone in their 20s. But once people are in their 30s and beyond, they're usually expected to have grown out of any social awkwardness, or to be able to hide it. If they haven't, other people will be less likely to put the behaviour down to shyness than to weirdness and/or immaturity.

Yes, if I were younger I'd be perceived as cute, coy, sweet. It's just weird to act the way I do now.

hopena · 10-20-2009, 11:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epril

Yes, if I were younger I'd be perceived as cute, coy, sweet. It's just weird to act the way I do now.

I feel the same way. There are perks to being in my thirties, but there are times when I miss being a child (or my late teens/early twenties) when my shyness/anxiety was considered to be more cute or acceptable. I miss feeling more optimistic/hopeful, and more relaxed, since I had time to take care of things, and they were sure to work out (until I kept the avoidance up...). Now I feel like the light at the other end of the tunnel is a train... I really need to improve my attitude again.

outtheblue · 11-11-2009, 05:11 AM

and I thought I was the only one in my late 40's who has social anxiety (self conciousness, a bit of a paranoia of thinking "what if I act nervous, self consciousness around this person, what will they think," and then I behave that very way)..I don't know why it seemed to get worse with me as I aged...maybe it's because the older we get, we start thinking more and more about strange things happening to us..we think deeper in a sense...I'm always praying to God to help me with my fears,because I just don't know what to do anymore as far as not feeling socially anxious, self concious, etc..but He is not taking it away...I guess I'm so desparate, that I'll try Anything to help myself with my anxieties...

09-27-2009, 09:14 AM	#1 (permalink)
rubyruby Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 59	Grey Hair and still afraid I find this so amazing. Yesterday a co-worker of my husbands dropped by our house for a quick visit and I was too afraid to go outside to say hi. Isn't this just amazing that at this age (I'm in my early 50's) this is still a problem. Meeting a new person. There is almost a silliness to this whole disorder.

09-29-2009, 08:08 AM	#6 (permalink)
TreeFrog Status: Hides it Well but... Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Female Age: 38 Posts: 221	Unfortunately I find it gets worse as I age along with my other psychological issues. That is why I am determined to work on it. When I look around at people and relatives I know-I see the same thing with their issues getting worse. I've seen family members turn into hoarders, a friend who used to go out now hardly ever leaves the house after he gets home from work bc he is afraid, another is more and more afraid of crowds, etc. So-it is my opinion that if we don't work on these issues then they build upon themselves. For instance I have a paranoia of being attacked, raped and possibly killed. I have started carrying a knife with me more and more (as if that will help). Any little noise I sit up in bed and may check all the rooms. And the most recent-on a road trip a friend wanted to stop at this roadside store that was this stand alone warehouse building. We were in an unfamiliar town and I thought it looked creepy-so I said okay but let me take my knife in case. She was like, "It's just a store. It will be okay." Thinking back on this-I see how ridiculous it was, but it is this fear that drives me and seems to be getting worse. (maybe too many horror movies as a kid and the women in my family taught me to be cognizant of this) __________________ I know I can't be the only "Whatever I Am" in the room. Ani DiFranco

09-27-2009, 09:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
leonardess Status: wheresthefire?inmyeye! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: WILL you people please leave me alone?I'm supposed to be working lol Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 1,226	Well, it's certainly irrational, so that does leave a lot of room for silliness. I still don't meet new people easily.

09-27-2009, 09:47 AM	#3 (permalink)
EremitaGermanus Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Germany Gender: Female Age: 38 Posts: 133	I've grown accustomed to most of my what I call quirks! And unless my life depends on it or it is really, really important to me, I can even laugh about many. Well..., maybe not right in that moment, but often when looking back at certain situations. I found it relieving making peace with many things I can absolutely not change, along with SA. Which doesn't mean that I quit working on myself, but it's less pressure that way! Who knows? Maybe your guest was even glad, that you didn't come out! He might have certain anxieties also!

09-29-2009, 05:55 AM	#5 (permalink)
Amelia Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 3,533	I don't answer the door either. Sometimes, I don't even answer phone calls! I think the older you get the sillier it seems because other people tolerate it less. SA -- or let's just call it "shyness" or "self-consciousness" because that's how most people will perceive it -- is charming in a child, expected in a teen and understandable in someone in their 20s. But once people are in their 30s and beyond, they're usually expected to have grown out of any social awkwardness, or to be able to hide it. If they haven't, other people will be less likely to put the behaviour down to shyness than to weirdness and/or immaturity.

11-11-2009, 05:11 AM	#9 (permalink)
outtheblue Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Posts: 8	and I thought I was the only one in my late 40's who has social anxiety (self conciousness, a bit of a paranoia of thinking "what if I act nervous, self consciousness around this person, what will they think," and then I behave that very way)..I don't know why it seemed to get worse with me as I aged...maybe it's because the older we get, we start thinking more and more about strange things happening to us..we think deeper in a sense...I'm always praying to God to help me with my fears,because I just don't know what to do anymore as far as not feeling socially anxious, self concious, etc..but He is not taking it away...I guess I'm so desparate, that I'll try Anything to help myself with my anxieties...