Social Anxiety Support

epril · 08-25-2009, 08:45 AM

I do. Especially my 24 year old son. I never know what to say to him. He can be arrogant though. I never know what will set him off. He's hard to please. It's also tough knowing how to speak to him as an adult. I still unfortunately want to lecture him, albeit in small doses. I need to learn not to give advice. I don't see him very often, because he's stationed across the country, so when he comes to visit, he's here for a week or so and I try to cram everything in to that short time.

Sometimes I feel the SA with my girls, but they're more accepting. I often seek solace in my bedroom because I can't handle too much stimulation.

Atticus · 08-25-2009, 08:53 AM

I have a 28 yr old son and I have SA around him when I'm not in the "dad" role. If he wants advice, wants to vent, etc, I'm comfortable. when we just talk, though, I can experience most of the symptoms I get with any other adult. Not always when we just talk, but sometimes and unpredictably.

With my almost 18 and 15 yr old daughters, no.

WineKitty · 08-25-2009, 09:38 AM

I only have one kid and this never happens. There are times I dont know what to say to him but not out of anxiety but rather because I want to crack his head open to see if there is really a brain in there.

But maybe I dont experience this because I only have one kid. He is one of the closest people in the world to me. He is 22.

epril · 08-25-2009, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WineKitty

I only have one kid and this never happens. There are times I dont know what to say to him but not out of anxiety but rather because I want to crack his head open to see if there is really a brain in there.

But maybe because I only have one kid. He is one of the closest people in the world to me. He is 22.

cute

kpiper0101 · 08-25-2009, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Atticus

I have a 28 yr old son and I have SA around him when I'm not in the "dad" role. If he wants advice, wants to vent, etc, I'm comfortable. when we just talk, though, I can experience most of the symptoms I get with any other adult. Not always when we just talk, but sometimes and unpredictably.

With my almost 18 and 15 yr old daughters, no.

That's very similar to how I am with my 25-year-old son. I'm okay being mom, but I'm not always okay being an adult with another adult. The small talk stuff can sometimes be as awkward as it is with anyone else, and to be honest I feel badly about it like I shouldn't feel that way with my own child. I'll be sitting next to him in the car, and be overcome with this feeling that I don't know what to say to my own child, just the way my mind becomes frozen around other adults. In the "mom" role though, I don't have this problem.

With my younger two, 9 and 4, I'm fine. They're often with me when my SA is affecting me though, and they comment on it, which actually makes me feel more comfortable -- the innocent yet brutal honesty of it. Their acceptance of my behavior in spite of their recognizing its wierdness is somehow comforting. Attempting to hide it causes me increased anxiety, and I think when I'm with my oldest and his wife, I'm still trying to be normal like I would with other adults; for instance rather than saying out right that I won't do something because I'm scared like I would with the younger two, I'd make some other excuse for my behavior.

epril · 08-27-2009, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kpiper0101

That's very similar to how I am with my 25-year-old son. I'm okay being mom, but I'm not always okay being an adult with another adult. The small talk stuff can sometimes be as awkward as it is with anyone else, and to be honest I feel badly about it like I shouldn't feel that way with my own child. I'll be sitting next to him in the car, and be overcome with this feeling that I don't know what to say to my own child, just the way my mind becomes frozen around other adults. In the "mom" role though, I don't have this problem.

With my younger two, 9 and 4, I'm fine. They're often with me when my SA is affecting me though, and they comment on it, which actually makes me feel more comfortable -- the innocent yet brutal honesty of it. Their acceptance of my behavior in spite of their recognizing its wierdness is somehow comforting. Attempting to hide it causes me increased anxiety, and I think when I'm with my oldest and his wife, I'm still trying to be normal like I would with other adults; for instance rather than saying out right that I won't do something because I'm scared like I would with the younger two, I'd make some other excuse for my behavior.

Sounds like me. I used to get along with my son and he loved and appreciated me, still does, but it feels more uncomfortable. You're right, it's because now he's an adult, and I don't play a strictly defined role anymore. I want to be the authority figure and sage that I was, but I also want to be his cool, with it friend, ha, which I'm not. Sometimes he asks me why I act the way I do, ex. why I act like a dork. Well, I've always been. I've always had SA, it's just that he didn't recognize it when he was a kid.

My daughters are more accepting. Now, that is. I hope they don't change and expect me to act a different way when they get older.

Still Waters · 08-27-2009, 09:46 AM

This is thread is interesting! I have a 14 year old son,yesterday he was talking about his new teachers-he mentioned that one is just like me -a nervous wreck! I wish I was a stronger person - but I'm glad he doesn't just know the "mom" me but also sees me? My mom was very distant and never let me have a clue of who she was - just stayed very much in the role of "do this" and "do that". I think it's really a type of gift to be able to let them know the inner person-as long as you don't overdo and make it a burden for them. For the most part I've always been very truthful about the SA-it seems to help him be more open with me.-Neither one of us has to put up a perfect front for the other.

kpiper0101 · 08-27-2009, 10:13 AM

I didn't have the opportunity to talk to my oldest about SA when he was a child because I didn't know there was such a thing. I knew how I felt, but I didn't know it had an actual name so it wasn't something I ever talked about with him or anyone else. Anyhow now that he's an adult, it's something that's hard for me to bring up. He nearly died, and is big on living life to the fullest, and often comments about the way I don't -- in a way I wish he knew, but for some reason I'm just not comfortable to talk about it. It's partly because I fear that people who don't have it, won't really understand it, and I'd almost rather someone not know at all, then know but not understand . . . I'm not sure if that makes sense, but in my head it does! I've tried mentioning it to a few of my siblings, but they sort of discounted it as an "excuse," which makes me fear the same reaction from others. That feels worse to me than just keeping it to myself.

08-25-2009, 08:45 AM	#1 (permalink)
epril Status: sa challenger Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: arizona Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 2,646	Do you have SA around your kids? I do. Especially my 24 year old son. I never know what to say to him. He can be arrogant though. I never know what will set him off. He's hard to please. It's also tough knowing how to speak to him as an adult. I still unfortunately want to lecture him, albeit in small doses. I need to learn not to give advice. I don't see him very often, because he's stationed across the country, so when he comes to visit, he's here for a week or so and I try to cram everything in to that short time. Sometimes I feel the SA with my girls, but they're more accepting. I often seek solace in my bedroom because I can't handle too much stimulation.

08-25-2009, 08:53 AM	#2 (permalink)
Atticus Status: under a sheltering sky Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: St. Louis Age: 52 Posts: 3,531	I have a 28 yr old son and I have SA around him when I'm not in the "dad" role. If he wants advice, wants to vent, etc, I'm comfortable. when we just talk, though, I can experience most of the symptoms I get with any other adult. Not always when we just talk, but sometimes and unpredictably. With my almost 18 and 15 yr old daughters, no. __________________ Basically I'm just gonna walk the earth. ....You know, like Caine in Kung Fu - walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures." Jules after his epiphany

08-25-2009, 09:38 AM	#3 (permalink)
WineKitty Status: Almost 10,000 Posts :) Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Alone Inside My Mind Gender: Female Posts: 9,967	I only have one kid and this never happens. There are times I dont know what to say to him but not out of anxiety but rather because I want to crack his head open to see if there is really a brain in there. But maybe I dont experience this because I only have one kid. He is one of the closest people in the world to me. He is 22. __________________ "The more I know about people, the better I like my dog." - Mark Twain

08-27-2009, 09:46 AM	#7 (permalink)
Still Waters Status: Lost And Unaccounted For Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Stuck in the Lost and Found Gender: Female Posts: 668	This is thread is interesting! I have a 14 year old son,yesterday he was talking about his new teachers-he mentioned that one is just like me -a nervous wreck! I wish I was a stronger person - but I'm glad he doesn't just know the "mom" me but also sees me? My mom was very distant and never let me have a clue of who she was - just stayed very much in the role of "do this" and "do that". I think it's really a type of gift to be able to let them know the inner person-as long as you don't overdo and make it a burden for them. For the most part I've always been very truthful about the SA-it seems to help him be more open with me.-Neither one of us has to put up a perfect front for the other. __________________ I knew a man who lived in fear It was huge,it was angry,it was drawing near Behind his house,a secret place Was the shadow of the demon he could never face. He tells the world that it's sleeping But as the night came 'round I heard it's lonely sound It wasn't roaring,it was weeping. - Weeping - Josh Groban

08-27-2009, 10:13 AM	#8 (permalink)
kpiper0101 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Eugene, OR Gender: Female Age: 46 Posts: 354	I didn't have the opportunity to talk to my oldest about SA when he was a child because I didn't know there was such a thing. I knew how I felt, but I didn't know it had an actual name so it wasn't something I ever talked about with him or anyone else. Anyhow now that he's an adult, it's something that's hard for me to bring up. He nearly died, and is big on living life to the fullest, and often comments about the way I don't -- in a way I wish he knew, but for some reason I'm just not comfortable to talk about it. It's partly because I fear that people who don't have it, won't really understand it, and I'd almost rather someone not know at all, then know but not understand . . . I'm not sure if that makes sense, but in my head it does! I've tried mentioning it to a few of my siblings, but they sort of discounted it as an "excuse," which makes me fear the same reaction from others. That feels worse to me than just keeping it to myself.