Social Anxiety Support

rubyruby · 10-14-2009, 10:04 AM

My lack of assertiveness has created a lot of problems for me. Not so much in my home life but mostly at the workplace. How about everyone else?

WineKitty · 10-14-2009, 11:38 AM

Depending on the situation I can go either way. I can be a rather *****y person when I have to be; I dont like to let anyone walk over me. But there have been plenty of times I dont say anything and then seethe about it for days. And I am referring to the workplace also.

Amelia · 10-15-2009, 05:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubyruby

My lack of assertiveness has created a lot of problems for me. Not so much in my home life but mostly at the workplace. How about everyone else?

Same here. I think it also depends on the people you work with. Not all workplaces are the same. The atmosphere in my first workplace was good. When new colleagues at my current workplace were suddenly hostile, I didn't know how to react. Some people will also label you as unassertive just because they or other people choose to cause you problems, even if you're no less assertive than most people. I think it can be a way of blaming you for their behaviour.

Princesspoopla · 10-15-2009, 04:28 PM

I'm not an assertive person so I get treated like crap sometimes and I hate it when people take me lightly cuz of my passive attitude and they know that I wont say "NO" to things they ask and wont stand up for myself so its easy for them to take advantage of my kindness. But its hard because I cant change that, its just how I am

pjm1978 · 10-18-2009, 04:16 PM

I have SA and am very assertive. When someone tries to walk on me, I look at it like they are trying to take advantage of my SA. Then my assertiveness becomes aggression.

sadfox · 10-19-2009, 09:01 PM

i stay away becase i can get aggresive and lose my temper quickly i hav to keep 2 myself to many people are bad to be around for me i steer clear of them

Neptunus · 10-19-2009, 09:10 PM

I base my assertiveness on how much I have to lose...like if the person's a boss or something. However, as of late, I don't even care that much... one can be a "doormat" for only so long. Heh, must be an age/life experience thing... after so many years, and so many (low) blows, you grow nuggets of steel!

Yep, it's late... and I'm tired. (Can't ya' tell?)

brokensaint · 10-19-2009, 09:13 PM

Depends on the person or persons. If it's someone that I think will say something off-color or personal, than I usually shut my mouth - because I got nothing.

"You're 19 and you have no job, high school diploma, girlfriend, friends..."

"Yeah ... but you smell like guacamole and shrimp."

That's usually how it happens, so, yeah, I usually keep my mouth shut.

rumjungle · 10-20-2009, 12:34 AM

I can be both assertive and passive though I only tend to become assertive when I'm really pushed around. Wouldn't say I'm a doormat, though I could probably reduce the time I waste on people that aren't worth my time or interest. I tend to overlook people's flaws because I'm so focused on my own, so in that way it takes me longer to realise if someone isn't a very good friend.

10-14-2009, 10:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
rubyruby Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 59	Are you assertive or does your SA allow people to walk all over you My lack of assertiveness has created a lot of problems for me. Not so much in my home life but mostly at the workplace. How about everyone else?

10-14-2009, 11:38 AM	#2 (permalink)
WineKitty Status: Almost 10,000 Posts :) Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Alone Inside My Mind Gender: Female Posts: 9,967	Depending on the situation I can go either way. I can be a rather ***y person when I have to be; I dont like to let anyone walk over me. But there have been plenty of times I dont say anything and then seethe about it for days. And I am referring to the workplace also. __________________ "The more I know about people, the better I like my dog." - Mark Twain**

10-15-2009, 04:28 PM	#4 (permalink)
Princesspoopla Status: one day. Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Canada Gender: Female Age: 19 Posts: 64	I'm not an assertive person so I get treated like crap sometimes and I hate it when people take me lightly cuz of my passive attitude and they know that I wont say "NO" to things they ask and wont stand up for myself so its easy for them to take advantage of my kindness. But its hard because I cant change that, its just how I am __________________ If your heart wears thin I will hold you up And I will hide you When it gets too much, I'll be right beside you.

10-19-2009, 09:10 PM	#7 (permalink)
Neptunus Status: Authenticating Join Date: Oct 2007 Gender: Female Posts: 2,832	I base my assertiveness on how much I have to lose...like if the person's a boss or something. However, as of late, I don't even care that much... one can be a "doormat" for only so long. Heh, must be an age/life experience thing... after so many years, and so many (low) blows, you grow nuggets of steel! Yep, it's late... and I'm tired. (Can't ya' tell?) __________________ "When I stand before thee at the day's end, thou shalt see my scars and know that I had my wounds and also my healing." ~Rabindranath Tagore "Being gentle means forgiving yourself when you mess up. We should learn from our mistakes, but we shouldn't beat the tar out of ourselves over them. The past is just that, past. Learn what went wrong and why. Make amends if you need to. Then drop it and move on." ---Sean Covey

10-18-2009, 04:16 PM	#5 (permalink)
pjm1978 Status: heading for playoffs Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: long island,ny Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 136	I have SA and am very assertive. When someone tries to walk on me, I look at it like they are trying to take advantage of my SA. Then my assertiveness becomes aggression.

10-19-2009, 09:01 PM	#6 (permalink)
sadfox Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: hamilton scotland Gender: Male Posts: 78	i stay away becase i can get aggresive and lose my temper quickly i hav to keep 2 myself to many people are bad to be around for me i steer clear of them

10-19-2009, 09:13 PM	#8 (permalink)
brokensaint Status: SAS Member Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Halifax, NS Gender: Male Posts: 202	Depends on the person or persons. If it's someone that I think will say something off-color or personal, than I usually shut my mouth - because I got nothing. "You're 19 and you have no job, high school diploma, girlfriend, friends..." "Yeah ... but you smell like guacamole and shrimp." That's usually how it happens, so, yeah, I usually keep my mouth shut.

10-20-2009, 12:34 AM	#9 (permalink)
rumjungle Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Female Posts: 454	I can be both assertive and passive though I only tend to become assertive when I'm really pushed around. Wouldn't say I'm a doormat, though I could probably reduce the time I waste on people that aren't worth my time or interest. I tend to overlook people's flaws because I'm so focused on my own, so in that way it takes me longer to realise if someone isn't a very good friend.