Advice to your younger self

[Eugenie]

At 25 I'm not sure I really belong on this board, but yet I don't belong on the teen one either! I've noticed that a lot of people seem to think that the younger members devalue them because of their age, but I'm not sure that's true. I know that I would like to read what you would tell a younger version of yourself, now that you have the wisdom of maturity. Hopefully I can learn from it. It doesn't have to be solely in relation to SA.

From my somewhat limited perspective, here's what I would tell my former teenage/early 20s self:

On Social Issues:
-Don't give up on old friendships
-Try not to dwell on the hurts, those negative feelings can change the fabric of who you are over time
-If you have a gut feeling about a relationship, forget second and third chances, just run.

On life plans:
-Stop second guessing yourself and act. Better to do something wrong than do nothing.
-TRY TO REALISE THAT YOU ARE ANSWERABLE TO NO-ONE BUT YOURSELF. SHAME IS POINTLESS
-Don't sit out of the game too long. You might forget how to play.
-Lose the guilt. Better yet, don't do anything to feel guilty about.
-Try to realise that you are a member of the world with all the rights of everyone else. No one is better than you.

I haven't managed to make myself believe all these things yet. Why is it so damn hard?!?!

[kpiper0101]

What's wierd is I don't feel that much different in my head at 45 than I did at 25. The main difference is that I'm a whole lot nicer to myself at 45 than I was at 25 for sure. I'm more accepting of myself now just as I would be of any other human being. I don't need to beat up on myself anymore, it doesn't help any, and I know I do the best I can, and that's really all I can ask. I appreciate my positive traits and try to laugh at the crappy ones, and trudge on. Most everybody's got some load they carry. This is mine, and though I absolutely despise it when it's at its worst, there are some pretty awesome attributes as well, and those I see in myself and many of you. It's kind of like I couldn't be as good as I am if I didn't have it as bad as I do -- if that makes any sense! In the end there's very little that will matter, and those few things that do are things one can do well with or without SA. :O}

[power2theweak]

What I have learned: We all need close relationships with others because that is the way that God designed us. As risky as it can be to reach out and open up to someone else, it is even riskier not to.

[power2theweak]

>>-Stop second guessing yourself and act. Better to do something wrong than do nothing.<<

Wow! This is a very hard one for me!!!

[Atticus]

This is a great question, but I'm not really sure what I'd say. In a different context I've thought about mistakes I've made and how I'd behave differently given another chance, but then those mistakes were part of what led me to things I value. Bad marriage, but great kids, for one example. I can't conceive of the consequences had I left the marriage earlier.

I guess in more general terms I'd tell myself that a mediocre or even a bad plan that one is devoted to is better than a no-plan, coasting along type of life.

I just thought of something that sums it up for me. I meet people occasionally who do things that really annoy me. Some annoyances are just that and nothing more. But others have me asking "what gives them the right to be so single minded", or "what if everyone behaved that way", typically when "that way" is a very focused approach to meeting their goals.

These are usually people who are doing things I secretly want to do, but lack the nerve to pursue. And not in an SA lack of nerve sort of way, but the ordinary feet of clay sort of way that everyone deals with. Some people follow their bliss, even if it leads them to fall flat on their face (apparently). They annoy me because I'm not one of them.

I'd tell myself to be one of them.

[lissette]

I would tell myself to admit I had a problem and seek help! Twenty years of me just trying to deal with this has not helped.

[christ~in~me]

i would say:
stay in school
dont move out your too young
your parents are right quit disrepecting them
put the cigarettes away their bad for my health
avoid certain people

[mypasswordneverworks]

I've been watching this show called Being Erica--it's about a girl who feels like she isn't where she wanted to be. So, she gets to go back and change it. interesting!

-don't major in something so general. major in accounting which is more accepted in the real world.
-don't spend your time sitting on the sidelines in high school.
-don't live off-campus
-don't go to grad school right out of college
-start working in a bank at 18 so that you'll get real experience
-stop being scared and just do it---everything
-if you have a test on Tuesday, don't stay up all night and study. Go out with your friends all night---because that is what you'll remember.
-you are worthy and no one is better than you

[OliverPilon]

this is a pretty general answer but:
i wish i had that feeling of "life fly by really quickly" earlier than i did.

Notice i did say the word having the "feeling", not the thought.
Because we re told from a young age times fly by quickly. We always knew that intellectually.
But its when you experience and FEEL it that you can benefit from it.

And when you feel it, its something really useful to have, it can help to push
you when youre hanging just by edge of the cliff so to speak.

But of course by no means does feeling time fly by quickly makes everything work.
But still, it is useful.
It makes you think about what you want, what you dont want to miss on,
and kinda make you want to make things happen sooner rather than later.

Of course a whole host of stuff can get in the way of you actually taking action anyway.
But there's a whole book that could be written on those many other things.

Ok, my answer kinda sucked.
Will do better next time, not my day it seems lol : )

Oli

[refined_rascal]

Don't push people away.
Avoidance only makes things worse - don't do it!
Don't pee on that electric fence.

[X33]

Become a stock trader.
Be more serious with some interests (i.e. cricket) less with others (computers).
Don't be afraid of getting medical help.
Keep in touch with friends when you leave your home country.

[justpassinby]

This is a good question and hard to answer, I wish I could write a book.

Show your heart to people, your emotions, even anger, crying. They will appreciate you more and respect you.

Stay in touch with friends, even just to say hi, or how are you.

Don't expect things in return, saves a lot of disappointment.

If you are the introverted type who likes alone time, reading books, quietness, embrace that and don't beat yourself up for it.

Don't try to "get" someone to like you. Either they do or they don't, just present yourself as close to who you are as you can. In other words "be yourself" yes, that advice from Sesame Street and Mister Rogers still applies in adulthood yet so very hard.

I could go on lol

[BobNothing]

Excellent Question, I agree with many of the posts of not letting go of old friends. Once they are gone it's so hard to make new ones.

If I could go back I would continue to force myself into difficult situations that activate my SA. High school and College put me in some difficult situations (puplic speaking, group work, interacting with new people) where work tends to give me too much of a comfort zone with the same people every day. I feel over time that it's getting worse as I have drifted away from any friends that I had and now have the option of avoiding these situtation. As they say, practice, practice, practice . . . . no matter how fast your heart rate gets, how red your face turns and . . how do I come up with that gibberish new english that exits my mouth when I'm in panic mode!

[nemasket]

Recognize that the "cool" friends you make in your early 20s to hang out with and drink with you're not going to miss for a minute, but the ones that you were a dork with and could stay in and talk all night with you're going to ache for and never be able to replace.

The most important thing I would tell myself: If someone treats you like crap once, they'll do it over and over again. You can plead for years, try to "fix" yourself so they treat you better, but an abuser will never change. You'll always be their punching bag. It's not you - accept it and leave.

I also concur with the advice to never expect anything. You have to create what you want in your life - if you stubble upon it, then it's impermanent and not really yours. The spirit of what you want to achieve has to come from you.

[aliveat65]

At 65 I would tell myself to find a Psychiatrist that would work with me on my Depression, GAD and SA. Unfortunately back in the 60's most of the meds that are available today had not been invented. Talk theropy was the answer.

While going to college I worked about 6 months with two Psychiatrist and meds were not mentioned. Today most Psychiatrist treat as an illness to be treated with meds.

I made it through with talk theorpy and by reading everything I could get by hands on, listen to audio, video and never stop trying. Unfortunately the anxiety never let up until at 49 I had a breakdown got involed with Psychiatrist

I feel better but will never feel "normal"

[liarsclub]

Everything that's in you, Everything you want to do--get it out of you by doing it.
If you don't then that's what you'll truly regret.
Don't assume you know yourself more then you do. Don't categorize yourself. It's very limiting.

[Maslow]

I would tell myself that I was worthy of love and respect.

[zaph]

I suppose it would be to take more chances. I'm 28, so the whole college, travel, adventure part of my life is in the past. I wish I could go back and tell myself to stop worrying about the future so much, take a year out, go backpacking, have some fun. I had some many options, and so much freedom back then; and did so little with it.

[lyssado707]

Think deeper about why you feel the way you do because you have some pretty f***ed up irrational thinking underlying those emotions.

Get out and get into something social. U're not weird for having social anxiety because a whole mass of other people have it, and they're likeable people. So, admit your SA and go work on it!

You're more mature than your mom!

[macM]

stay away from people that make you do and say horrible things...
move out of that class it will destroy you
people arent talking about you and/or staring at you
dont think you are above the "geeks" you are one, love it

and probably lots more