Social Anxiety Support

Amelia · 09-24-2009, 05:04 AM

Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?

I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.

glarmph · 09-24-2009, 05:37 AM

Same EXACT thing here. Except now I don't feel bad about it, I used to. I know there's something wrong with me but I don't worry about it anymore. In the end it, if it doesn't involve me sitting here by myself doing whatever I want to do, it feels like a chore, no matter what it is.

outcast69 · 09-24-2009, 05:44 AM

How can you be addicted to sadness?You are human,you are a social animal,its in your nature to have human contact.You need it as much as food and water.

justpassinby · 09-24-2009, 06:44 AM

Being around other people definitely feels like an intrusion. Its also not natural to be alone all the time. I don't know how to change at this point. I've tried everything, and in a way, I give up. Maybe once you get to the point where you give up, things will start to change. For example, having an impartial attitude to being with people or being alone, so you can be in each situation without it affecting you internally. Forcing a changed attitude has failed time and again for me.

pyramidsong · 09-24-2009, 08:17 AM

Yup. In the next few days I have two uni classes, a job and two parties. I'm avoiding all of them to stay home and watch DVDs. It's sad, and the frustrating part is I'll be missed, people want me there and I'll be sitting home thinking I could be having a nice time. But as you say, the relief of not having to interact outweighs the loneliness. Sucks but I don't know how to change it. I'm also dating at the moment and it's torture trying to pretend to be normal, I keep wondering when I'm going to run away again like I always do.

epril · 09-24-2009, 11:23 AM

Lately I seem to have 2 moods. First, I'm in a good mood, perfectly content with myself, glad to be alone, getting things done, enjoying the ability to leave both tvs on, lights on, eat in peace..and I don't mind if I'm home alone with no car, no money, and no friends to talk to or outings to go on.

Second mood, I'm so depressed, lonely, tired, self-pitying, that I am afraid to call someone or do something with someone, so I walk back and for all day and feel like I'm crying on the inside.

So, both scenarios, I'm alone

epril · 09-24-2009, 11:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amelia

Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone?

I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.

All my life, it's easier to be alone, for awhile, but then I feel lonely and need to force myself to call someone or plan an outing. I'd say maybe once or maybe twice a month would be enough for me. Well, gee, maybe more. I guess I'm feeling a little lonely right now.

Atticus · 09-24-2009, 11:28 AM

Being alone can be very soothing for me. On average maybe one night per week is entirely mine (dogs don't count) and I'll admit I look forward to those nights and sometimes dread the other times when I have to be around people, although I can usually tolerate some normal contact.

I seldom enjoy parties or large gatherings, so I'm pretty much to the point where I avoid them when I can. I feel as though I'd like to change that, but I wonder if the desire to change is more an old habit than a real desire at this point.

epril · 09-24-2009, 11:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justpassinby

Being around other people definitely feels like an intrusion. Its also not natural to be alone all the time. I don't know how to change at this point. I've tried everything, and in a way, I give up. Maybe once you get to the point where you give up, things will start to change. For example, having an impartial attitude to being with people or being alone, so you can be in each situation without it affecting you internally. Forcing a changed attitude has failed time and again for me.

My acceptance of my behavior fluctuates, most of the time I can accept myself for being quiet and alone. I don't think I can change much, but I can act slightly different than my SA self, sometimes naturally but most times with force and determination.

secretlyshecries · 10-11-2009, 08:59 PM

I can relate to this. A few years ago I was just so depressed over the fact that I was alone most of the time. Now it just feels normal. I know that I've just adapted to living this way but sometimes it feels almost... comfortable. That said, I still do get lonely (though it's usually just a period of loneliness that goes away) and want to change things. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a big part of me that would just go on living like this forever if I remained undisturbed by anyone else.

ivankaramazov · 10-18-2009, 04:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by outcast69

How can you be addicted to sadness?You are human,you are a social animal,its in your nature to have human contact.You need it as much as food and water.

I think the fact that people in this thread have adapted to not need human contact says it's not as important as food or water.

Sierra83 · 10-18-2009, 07:12 PM

Maybe you're just an introvert. Check out the book "Introvert Power" - I've read the first couple of chapters and already it's been quite a help.

I think it's okay to be alone. Maybe you just enjoy your own company, a lot. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the outside world is a bit... much to bear.

sadfox · 10-19-2009, 08:56 PM

i have never really enjoyed the company of other people i like the fact im happier alone to do my own thing i can be untidy sleep in daytime and not be nagged about my appesarance or criticized when im on my ownn collect my video games and stuff

i like invisibility no one can c me i stay away hide in my house go out for food thats it

ironheart · 11-05-2009, 11:15 AM

As has already been mentioned we adapt. Being alone all of the time has it's drawbacks but so too I imagine does being surrounded by people all of the time. Yet in each case after becoming inured to the negative aspects, you can often learn to develop a profound attachment to the way you live your life.

It's pretty much the same as prisoners or military personel becoming institutionalized.

shadowmask · 11-05-2009, 11:40 AM

The funny thing is that I'm just the opposite. I used to be accustomed to my solitude and even embraced it, but as I've aged, I've realized how many opportunities and experiences I've missed out on, and I find myself wanting more and more to reintegrate myself into society, so to speak. Make friends, travel, just have fun. The things people my age are supposed to do.

Unfortunately, my damn SA and a couple of other factors make this near impossible at the moment. But gradually the black cloud that's lingered over my head for so long is dissapating and I have at least a glimmer of hope that things can change.

coldmorning · 11-05-2009, 12:08 PM

When I was younger, I used to get very lonely and always wanted to be around others. Nowadays I can go weeks without socializing and feel fine. That's kind of scary. It's also a choice I make... I don't have to be alone. But increasingly, I isolate myself. I'm gradually losing touch with friends & acquaintances I made in the past.

hopena · 11-05-2009, 12:38 PM

I read a great blog post, early last year, by someone who just didn't like people very much. They resented being expected to take a pill that might change their personality, because they didn't feel abnormal. I wish I could find that blog again...

It's normal for some.

I know someone who just doesn't like being around people that much. He has his sociable moments, but he told me that he felt at peace being home alone for a couple of days. As soon as he socializes, he feels stressed and uncomfortable. It seems as though the only thing he's missing is a romantic relationship.

hopena · 11-05-2009, 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epril

Lately I seem to have 2 moods. First, I'm in a good mood, perfectly content with myself, glad to be alone, getting things done, enjoying the ability to leave both tvs on, lights on, eat in peace..and I don't mind if I'm home alone with no car, no money, and no friends to talk to or outings to go on.

Second mood, I'm so depressed, lonely, tired, self-pitying, that I am afraid to call someone or do something with someone, so I walk back and for all day and feel like I'm crying on the inside.

So, both scenarios, I'm alone

This is me, most of the time...

facade · 11-06-2009, 04:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by epril

Lately I seem to have 2 moods. First, I'm in a good mood, perfectly content with myself, glad to be alone, getting things done, enjoying the ability to leave both tvs on, lights on, eat in peace..and I don't mind if I'm home alone with no car, no money, and no friends to talk to or outings to go on.

Second mood, I'm so depressed, lonely, tired, self-pitying, that I am afraid to call someone or do something with someone, so I walk back and for all day and feel like I'm crying on the inside.

So, both scenarios, I'm alone

This is how I have been feeling recently too...One day I am fine with being alone, the next day depressed putting myself down for all the things I cannot seem to do and would really like to be able to go out and enjoy myself without feeling anxiety. Seems like a never ending cycle

Tungsten · 11-17-2009, 05:59 PM

Addicted is a good way to put it. I think being alone for so long has helped me become really adept at finding ways to entertain myself. It's a blessing and a curse because it also serves to keep me inside my comfort zone nearly all the time. As long as I stay busy the feelings of loneliness don't seem so bad, but during idle moments and especially late at night when I'm trying to fall sleep it really hits me that I'm missing out on an important aspect of life.

09-24-2009, 05:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
Amelia Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 3,533	Addicted to being alone Does anyone else feel that they're addicted to being alone? That your feelings of loneliness are now less strong than your desire to be alone? I have become so accustomed to being alone that any prospect of having to deal with other people feels like an intrusion into my life. I tend to avoid being around other people and find it easier to be by myself. I realize that this is just not normal and would like to change things, largely to feel less odd and try to establish some sort of interaction that would justify my existence. Not sure if being around other people would do that, but it would be more normal. Plus, if I'm honest, I am lonely, though I always try to brush this idea away, as it is an admission of weakness. Having been in this rut for years now, and realize that I should change things but can't seem to find the will to do it. The rut feels too comfortable.

09-24-2009, 05:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
outcast69 Status: Comfortably Numb Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Philly Gender: Male Posts: 230	How can you be addicted to sadness?You are human,you are a social animal,its in your nature to have human contact.You need it as much as food and water. __________________ "No one here,gets out alive."*********************************** "Would you rather be a happy pig or an unhappy human?"-Aristotle

09-24-2009, 08:17 AM	#5 (permalink)
pyramidsong Status: The b**** is back Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Melbourne, Australia Gender: Female Posts: 1,570	Yup. In the next few days I have two uni classes, a job and two parties. I'm avoiding all of them to stay home and watch DVDs. It's sad, and the frustrating part is I'll be missed, people want me there and I'll be sitting home thinking I could be having a nice time. But as you say, the relief of not having to interact outweighs the loneliness. Sucks but I don't know how to change it. I'm also dating at the moment and it's torture trying to pretend to be normal, I keep wondering when I'm going to run away again like I always do. __________________ When I'm at the pearly gates, this'll all be on my videotape...

09-24-2009, 11:28 AM	#8 (permalink)
Atticus Status: under a sheltering sky Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: St. Louis Age: 52 Posts: 3,531	Being alone can be very soothing for me. On average maybe one night per week is entirely mine (dogs don't count) and I'll admit I look forward to those nights and sometimes dread the other times when I have to be around people, although I can usually tolerate some normal contact. I seldom enjoy parties or large gatherings, so I'm pretty much to the point where I avoid them when I can. I feel as though I'd like to change that, but I wonder if the desire to change is more an old habit than a real desire at this point. __________________ Basically I'm just gonna walk the earth. ....You know, like Caine in Kung Fu - walk from place to place, meet people, get in adventures." Jules after his epiphany

10-18-2009, 07:12 PM	#12 (permalink)
Sierra83 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: London, ON, Canada Gender: Female Age: 26 Posts: 1,832	Maybe you're just an introvert. Check out the book "Introvert Power" - I've read the first couple of chapters and already it's been quite a help. I think it's okay to be alone. Maybe you just enjoy your own company, a lot. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes the outside world is a bit... much to bear. __________________ "Believe that life can change That you're not stuck in vain" -- The Smashing Pumpkins, "Tonight, Tonight"

09-24-2009, 05:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
glarmph Status: Hiding in my basement Join Date: May 2009 Location: Illinois Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 243	Same EXACT thing here. Except now I don't feel bad about it, I used to. I know there's something wrong with me but I don't worry about it anymore. In the end it, if it doesn't involve me sitting here by myself doing whatever I want to do, it feels like a chore, no matter what it is.

09-24-2009, 06:44 AM	#4 (permalink)
justpassinby Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Gender: Female Posts: 429	Being around other people definitely feels like an intrusion. Its also not natural to be alone all the time. I don't know how to change at this point. I've tried everything, and in a way, I give up. Maybe once you get to the point where you give up, things will start to change. For example, having an impartial attitude to being with people or being alone, so you can be in each situation without it affecting you internally. Forcing a changed attitude has failed time and again for me.

09-24-2009, 11:23 AM	#6 (permalink)
epril Status: sa challenger Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: arizona Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 2,654	Lately I seem to have 2 moods. First, I'm in a good mood, perfectly content with myself, glad to be alone, getting things done, enjoying the ability to leave both tvs on, lights on, eat in peace..and I don't mind if I'm home alone with no car, no money, and no friends to talk to or outings to go on. Second mood, I'm so depressed, lonely, tired, self-pitying, that I am afraid to call someone or do something with someone, so I walk back and for all day and feel like I'm crying on the inside. So, both scenarios, I'm alone

10-11-2009, 08:59 PM	#10 (permalink)
secretlyshecries Status: In hiding Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Australia, hiding under a rock somewhere Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 569	I can relate to this. A few years ago I was just so depressed over the fact that I was alone most of the time. Now it just feels normal. I know that I've just adapted to living this way but sometimes it feels almost... comfortable. That said, I still do get lonely (though it's usually just a period of loneliness that goes away) and want to change things. But I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a big part of me that would just go on living like this forever if I remained undisturbed by anyone else.

10-19-2009, 08:56 PM	#13 (permalink)
sadfox Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: hamilton scotland Gender: Male Posts: 78	i have never really enjoyed the company of other people i like the fact im happier alone to do my own thing i can be untidy sleep in daytime and not be nagged about my appesarance or criticized when im on my ownn collect my video games and stuff i like invisibility no one can c me i stay away hide in my house go out for food thats it

11-05-2009, 11:15 AM	#14 (permalink)
ironheart Status: The Kwisatz Haderach Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: England. Gender: Male Age: 32 Posts: 70	As has already been mentioned we adapt. Being alone all of the time has it's drawbacks but so too I imagine does being surrounded by people all of the time. Yet in each case after becoming inured to the negative aspects, you can often learn to develop a profound attachment to the way you live your life. It's pretty much the same as prisoners or military personel becoming institutionalized.

11-05-2009, 11:40 AM	#15 (permalink)
shadowmask Status: Seeing stars Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: TN Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 1,085	The funny thing is that I'm just the opposite. I used to be accustomed to my solitude and even embraced it, but as I've aged, I've realized how many opportunities and experiences I've missed out on, and I find myself wanting more and more to reintegrate myself into society, so to speak. Make friends, travel, just have fun. The things people my age are supposed to do. Unfortunately, my damn SA and a couple of other factors make this near impossible at the moment. But gradually the black cloud that's lingered over my head for so long is dissapating and I have at least a glimmer of hope that things can change. __________________ Basically, I'm complicated I have a hard time taking the easy way I wouldn't call it schizophrenia But I'll be at least two people today

11-05-2009, 12:08 PM	#16 (permalink)
coldmorning Status: Add water and shake Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Northern California Gender: Male Posts: 2,125	When I was younger, I used to get very lonely and always wanted to be around others. Nowadays I can go weeks without socializing and feel fine. That's kind of scary. It's also a choice I make... I don't have to be alone. But increasingly, I isolate myself. I'm gradually losing touch with friends & acquaintances I made in the past.

11-05-2009, 12:38 PM	#17 (permalink)
hopena Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ohio Gender: Female Posts: 199	I read a great blog post, early last year, by someone who just didn't like people very much. They resented being expected to take a pill that might change their personality, because they didn't feel abnormal. I wish I could find that blog again... It's normal for some. I know someone who just doesn't like being around people that much. He has his sociable moments, but he told me that he felt at peace being home alone for a couple of days. As soon as he socializes, he feels stressed and uncomfortable. It seems as though the only thing he's missing is a romantic relationship.

11-17-2009, 05:59 PM	#20 (permalink)
Tungsten Status: SAS Member Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Pennsylvania Gender: Male Age: 30 Posts: 1,124	Addicted is a good way to put it. I think being alone for so long has helped me become really adept at finding ways to entertain myself. It's a blessing and a curse because it also serves to keep me inside my comfort zone nearly all the time. As long as I stay busy the feelings of loneliness don't seem so bad, but during idle moments and especially late at night when I'm trying to fall sleep it really hits me that I'm missing out on an important aspect of life.