Social Anxiety Support

This is mee · 10-01-2009, 12:01 AM

I understand that meeting girls in class should be easy enough, but it's not for me. It's actually quite hard...I have to position myself next to someone, think of a million things to say and then pick the best one. It's a hastle but it feels good when I can pull it off. I've been working on this.

My issue now is meeting girls OUTSIDE of the classroom...on campus, at the library, or in a cafe/cafeteria.

Any ideas on how to approach them? Any tips on how to temporarely get over my SAD and do exactly what I want?

seanybhoy · 10-01-2009, 05:18 PM

Jst be like wassup ***** wanna **** ?

N if they slap ya their prolly gay anyways so dont sweat it.

True Story btw, check the bible .

JMX · 10-03-2009, 11:04 AM

I'm posting because I want to hear what other people have to say. I can't make friends with people inside or outside of class, with either gender.

Catching Fire · 10-03-2009, 05:27 PM

I would try to join a club, group, or just do an activity on campus. I would also try to hangout with anyone you know from class if you can. If you can't you should be able to meet someone who you can from getting involved on campus. Hanging out helps alot as you'll get to meet their friends, aquantinces, people in their floor, etc. through them. I would try to go to parties with them too if your up to it. Parties are also probably the best place to meet girls too

. This is basically what I have been doing since college started and its working pretty well for me.

Snow Bunny · 10-05-2009, 04:34 PM

Yeah I can't make friends in or out of class. Usually I can approach people with, 'so what time did the lecturer say to come back?' or something similar.

Just Lurking · 10-05-2009, 04:50 PM

The cold approach is pretty difficult, isn't it..

(I'm assuming you're a guy - your profile doesn't say.)

Walk up to her with a smile/positive look and say "hey".. followed by a genuine "how are you?" See how she responds.. Ask her "what are you here for?"..."do you like it?"..etc.. Look for eye contact, smiling, tone of voice, see if she asks you the same questions back, etc... Tell her your name.. shake her hand.. Make an observation about something around you to get conversation going..

Don't be stiff. Loosen up, flirt a bit..

If she seems interested, keep it going, but not for too long. Say you have to go do some homework, or meet a group, get to a class.. whatever. If you want, ask "so how do I find you again?" and get her number or email...

If it doesn't work, don't worry about it. Try again with someone else. There are a ton of reasons (which have nothing to do with you personally) why a girl may not be receptive. At the very least, you get some experience you can learn from.

I should do this on my campus.. haven't really worked up the nerve for it though. And it's Week #5!

Oh and you know what else - it's good to warm up your social skills before doing this. Chat with a teacher or another staff member.. or a mature student.. make a phone call to someone you know.. anything to warm yourself up like you would stretch your muscles before exercising (I find it makes talking easier).

jordo · 10-05-2009, 07:53 PM

The warmup thing is true. A good time to do this is after playing sports because social anxiety takes a back seat to concentration and physial demands.

shyvr6 · 10-06-2009, 02:38 PM

Maybe try to do a study group. One girl in my class already asked a couple people, so I guess they are already doing one.

10-01-2009, 12:01 AM	#1 (permalink)
This is mee Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: Oregon Age: 20 Posts: 21	Meeting people (girls especially) OUTSIDE of class I understand that meeting girls in class should be easy enough, but it's not for me. It's actually quite hard...I have to position myself next to someone, think of a million things to say and then pick the best one. It's a hastle but it feels good when I can pull it off. I've been working on this. My issue now is meeting girls OUTSIDE of the classroom...on campus, at the library, or in a cafe/cafeteria. Any ideas on how to approach them? Any tips on how to temporarely get over my SAD and do exactly what I want?

10-01-2009, 05:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
seanybhoy Status: U lookin at me ? Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Scotland Age: 24 Posts: 4,000	Jst be like wassup *** wanna ** ? N if they slap ya their prolly gay anyways so dont sweat it. True Story btw, check the bible . __________________ Keep it simple

10-03-2009, 05:27 PM	#4 (permalink)
Catching Fire Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Gender: Male Posts: 452	I would try to join a club, group, or just do an activity on campus. I would also try to hangout with anyone you know from class if you can. If you can't you should be able to meet someone who you can from getting involved on campus. Hanging out helps alot as you'll get to meet their friends, aquantinces, people in their floor, etc. through them. I would try to go to parties with them too if your up to it. Parties are also probably the best place to meet girls too. This is basically what I have been doing since college started and its working pretty well for me. __________________ No chains on my feet but Im not free- Bob Marley

10-05-2009, 04:50 PM	#6 (permalink)
Just Lurking Status: Student.. Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Ontario, Canada Gender: Male Posts: 2,852	The cold approach is pretty difficult, isn't it.. (I'm assuming you're a guy - your profile doesn't say.) Walk up to her with a smile/positive look and say "hey".. followed by a genuine "how are you?" See how she responds.. Ask her "what are you here for?"..."do you like it?"..etc.. Look for eye contact, smiling, tone of voice, see if she asks you the same questions back, etc... Tell her your name.. shake her hand.. Make an observation about something around you to get conversation going.. Don't be stiff. Loosen up, flirt a bit.. If she seems interested, keep it going, but not for too long. Say you have to go do some homework, or meet a group, get to a class.. whatever. If you want, ask "so how do I find you again?" and get her number or email... If it doesn't work, don't worry about it. Try again with someone else. There are a ton of reasons (which have nothing to do with you personally) why a girl may not be receptive. At the very least, you get some experience you can learn from. I should do this on my campus.. haven't really worked up the nerve for it though. And it's Week #5! Oh and you know what else - it's good to warm up your social skills before doing this. Chat with a teacher or another staff member.. or a mature student.. make a phone call to someone you know.. anything to warm yourself up like you would stretch your muscles before exercising (I find it makes talking easier). __________________ "The psychiatrist says, 'I think you're crazy.' The man says, 'I want a second opinion.' The psychiatrist says, 'Okay, you're ugly, too!'" ~Henny Youngman

10-06-2009, 02:38 PM	#8 (permalink)
shyvr6 Status: Makin Waves Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Somewhere on a map. Gender: Male Posts: 9,645	Maybe try to do a study group. One girl in my class already asked a couple people, so I guess they are already doing one. __________________ Music

10-03-2009, 11:04 AM	#3 (permalink)
JMX Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Indiana Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 299	I'm posting because I want to hear what other people have to say. I can't make friends with people inside or outside of class, with either gender.

10-05-2009, 04:34 PM	#5 (permalink)
Snow Bunny Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: UK Gender: Female Posts: 81	Yeah I can't make friends in or out of class. Usually I can approach people with, 'so what time did the lecturer say to come back?' or something similar.

10-05-2009, 07:53 PM	#7 (permalink)
jordo Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: UK Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 100	The warmup thing is true. A good time to do this is after playing sports because social anxiety takes a back seat to concentration and physial demands.