all eyes on me

[clandestine]

so i had a class today where 98% were girls (women's studies). i myself am a girl and for some reason i felt so extremely intimidated. maybe because i feel like girls are more judgmental? i feel like i'm wearing something wrong or my hair doesn't look right.

we had to introduce each other and i was somehow skipped over. this woman sitting near took it upon herself to announce it to the professor, meanwhile i was dying. i was fine with being forgotten about...i'm used to it.

of course everyone turned around. and all i could do was look down at my desk and i felt my face getting really red. i hate how you really have no control over it either, in the moment you can't make the redness go away, if anything you're freaking out that your face is red and that makes it even worse.

well needless to say i dropped the class. i hate being awkward and insecure.

[rctriplefresh5]

Originally Posted by clandestine

so i had a class today where 98% were girls (women's studies). i myself am a girl and for some reason i felt so extremely intimidated. maybe because i feel like girls are more judgmental? i feel like i'm wearing something wrong or my hair doesn't look right.

we had to introduce each other and i was somehow skipped over. this woman sitting near took it upon herself to announce it to the professor, meanwhile i was dying. i was fine with being forgotten about...i'm used to it.

of course everyone turned around. and all i could do was look down at my desk and i felt my face getting really red. i hate how you really have no control over it either, in the moment you can't make the redness go away, if anything you're freaking out that your face is red and that makes it even worse.

well needless to say i dropped the class. i hate being awkward and insecure.

whenever i tell myself to be more social i have incidents that happen. today was the first day of biology lecture and there are like 7 tables with 4 chairs a piece. anyway i sat at one table and i was 3 chairs away from this girl. and then noone sat next to me. i had a person sit two seats away from me but not s single person came and sat there as the class filled up with students. and what really got me was this girl came and pulled out the chair next to me and was about to sit down, then she looked at me and shes like oh, and went and sat somewhere else. also another kid sat in the back where there were just chairs and no tables instead of sitting by me which i also felt was weird. i either have classes where noone sits close to me or i have classes where ill have a friendly person sit next to me and chat or a group of friendly people who will do that and chat. this semester i havent had any of those classes yet. and all of the people im being social with dont talk to me the following classes. it makes you feel ugly and worthless.
i dont think you should have dropped the class though. dont let people dictate your future. i was in heavy traffic and showed up 25 minutes late to chemistry and it was a little strange walking in and sitting down with everyone staring at me. also i walked into the wrong class today and apparently it was like 10 minutes before the end of the class which made it mroe awkwards cause iwas just walking in, and theyre like rong class buddy.. but like goes on.

[clandestine]

ha, the same thing happened today...the whole class was filling up and eventually completely full and no one would sit next to me. it makes me feel like i smell or something, or like i'm too ugly to sit next to? i'm so paranoid lately. but it was weird.

it's ok that i dropped it though, because i replaced it with a psych class (my major). it all worked out, i guess...