Social Anxiety Support

power2theweak · 01-19-2009, 06:45 PM

Does anyone know of any good self-help books for perfectionism? That is a major problem for me. A lot of times I force myself to do things that I am fearful of, but then I end up beating myself up because I didn't do them perfectly.

UltraShy · 01-19-2009, 11:11 PM

I don't know of any books on the topic, but I'm an extreme perfectionist myself. Nothing is ever good enough or just right for me and I drive myself insane as I try to find perfection that doesn't exist. For me, merely good simply isn't good enough. I recognize the totally irrational nature of my thinking, but I can't stop it. How am I ever supposed to be happy when I find flaws in virtually everything?

nemasket · 01-20-2009, 07:56 PM

I'm in the same boat - I wish I knew of a good resource for you. I'm in the process of trying to force myself to do things that scare me, but I just go over and over my "mistakes" so much that I end up feeling like a failure afterwards. It's really hard to motivate yourself when you feel you never actually succeed, or deserve to feel good about yourself.

TruSeeker777 · 01-20-2009, 10:30 PM

For anyone that's interested, we addressed the issue of perfectionism in our support group and had a really good discussion about it. I've attached a pdf file of the handout I made up for the meeting. I can't remember what resources I used for it though.

power2theweak · 01-23-2009, 06:53 PM

I didn't realize that perfectionism was such a HUGE problem for me until I went back to school. I just about drove myself crazy! I would work on things until I was just exhausted. I had to always have things "just right."

I'd walk out of every test thinking that I did a horrible job (focusing only on the few problems that gave me trouble) and then end up getting an "A." It's so annoying...I annoy everyone around me and myself!!!

This is something that I definitely need to work on. My friend told me, "You know, God doesn't expect perfection from you." And I know that she's right. I want to learn how to stop being so hard on myself. I hope that we all can learn that.

Karen...thanks again for another valuable resource! You are so kind to share your handout with us!

thisisfraser · 02-03-2009, 03:12 PM

Thank you very much for that document. Perfectionism has been more of a problem for me than I have ever wanted to admit to and I will definitely be using this as a means of working myself out of my perfectionist ways.

The thing that I have always had a hard time with is accepting what others think of the things I have done. I've had so many people tell me that the things I have done are acceptable (especially with the recording my band had been doing) but I just get so stuck on every little perceived flaw I can imagine that I just want to toss out everything I have done and start it over again from scratch. It's taken me years but I've gotten better at not being so defensive but there are still times when I get stuck in my ways and have a hard time getting out of those ways.

So what I'm gonna do is write down the positive realistic thoughts and read them out loud to myself every day until they become an automatic thought process so that I can remember to have fun along the way to achieving my goals.

01-19-2009, 06:45 PM	#1 (permalink)
power2theweak Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 251	Perfectionism Does anyone know of any good self-help books for perfectionism? That is a major problem for me. A lot of times I force myself to do things that I am fearful of, but then I end up beating myself up because I didn't do them perfectly. __________________ To all of the friends that I've made here: please keep in touch! Send me an email from time to time! I wish you all the best!

01-19-2009, 11:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
UltraShy Status: Accident of Birth Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: Milwaukee, WI (Atheist, Libertarian) Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 24,572	I don't know of any books on the topic, but I'm an extreme perfectionist myself. Nothing is ever good enough or just right for me and I drive myself insane as I try to find perfection that doesn't exist. For me, merely good simply isn't good enough. I recognize the totally irrational nature of my thinking, but I can't stop it. How am I ever supposed to be happy when I find flaws in virtually everything? __________________ Nothing is ever the way it should be What we deserve we just don't get you see http://www.insureyourgunrights.com/

01-23-2009, 06:53 PM	#5 (permalink)
power2theweak Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 251	I didn't realize that perfectionism was such a HUGE problem for me until I went back to school. I just about drove myself crazy! I would work on things until I was just exhausted. I had to always have things "just right." I'd walk out of every test thinking that I did a horrible job (focusing only on the few problems that gave me trouble) and then end up getting an "A." It's so annoying...I annoy everyone around me and myself!!! This is something that I definitely need to work on. My friend told me, "You know, God doesn't expect perfection from you." And I know that she's right. I want to learn how to stop being so hard on myself. I hope that we all can learn that. Karen...thanks again for another valuable resource! You are so kind to share your handout with us! __________________ To all of the friends that I've made here: please keep in touch! Send me an email from time to time! I wish you all the best!

01-20-2009, 07:56 PM	#3 (permalink)
nemasket Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Massachusetts Gender: Female Posts: 78	I'm in the same boat - I wish I knew of a good resource for you. I'm in the process of trying to force myself to do things that scare me, but I just go over and over my "mistakes" so much that I end up feeling like a failure afterwards. It's really hard to motivate yourself when you feel you never actually succeed, or deserve to feel good about yourself.

02-03-2009, 03:12 PM	#6 (permalink)
thisisfraser Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Location: Saint John, NB Gender: Male Posts: 59	Thank you very much for that document. Perfectionism has been more of a problem for me than I have ever wanted to admit to and I will definitely be using this as a means of working myself out of my perfectionist ways. The thing that I have always had a hard time with is accepting what others think of the things I have done. I've had so many people tell me that the things I have done are acceptable (especially with the recording my band had been doing) but I just get so stuck on every little perceived flaw I can imagine that I just want to toss out everything I have done and start it over again from scratch. It's taken me years but I've gotten better at not being so defensive but there are still times when I get stuck in my ways and have a hard time getting out of those ways. So what I'm gonna do is write down the positive realistic thoughts and read them out loud to myself every day until they become an automatic thought process so that I can remember to have fun along the way to achieving my goals.