Social Anxiety Support

Attica! Attica! · 07-25-2009, 05:24 PM

Since we tend to always focus/obsess over things we've done wrong or bad social experiences, I thought it might be helpful to record any social interations, no matter how small, that show that I'm not a total screw up. I'm going to do this at the end or during every day, writing down small successes with minor exposure excersizes such as talking with a cashier, complimenting strangers, hanging out with friends, etc. and leave out anything that I felt embarrassed by. maybe this will help balance out my negative thoughts with more realistic, positive ones!

LostPancake · 07-25-2009, 08:21 PM

that sounds like a good idea. my anxiety seems to be getting a bit less, which means i'm talking with people more, but that also means making more mistakes, which i do tend to focus on. i feel a mixture of excitement and stupidity.

maybe i should get a book on the art of conversation or something. maybe that would help?

leonardess · 07-25-2009, 11:49 PM

I've been talking more *at* work. I complimented someone on their outfit. I think you just have to do these things and you get better at it in time. I suppose books can help to a certain extent. Mostly I think it's practice, and being a keen observer of other people, although I think it's possible to overdo that.

I often set out a plate of biscuits (cookies) for people to scarf on at work (they love me for it, and I always put it close to my desk so that it encourages some interaction), and I noticed that one person, for whom I have great affection (like a son or little brother), took a couple and then said that he likes a particular kind that was on the plate, but would come back for it - so he then picked up every biscuit on the plate and used them to cover up the one he liked so no one else would take it......

And this got me thinking - if I had done that, I immediately would have thought how rude and careless I was to touch every biscuit on that plate, other people might want to eat them, what was I, brought up in a barn??? and so on....but he didn't - I could tell, it didn't even occur to him what he'd just done.

and I thought, what he did *could* be construed as a social faux pas, albeit a tiny one - and he is a very social person, who loves to be in the middle of things.

Other people, even very social people, commmit these little errors all the time. So why shouldn't we?

A woman in my office, very successful, about to be made a partner, very outgoing and so on, told me the other day how she cried when the senior partner was giving her a bad time about something. And she's a mover and shaker in our place herself.

These things happen to *everyone*. So-called mistakes, gaffes, faux pas, losing control of one's emotions...
Note to self: don't be so harsh. Nothing and no one has to say the right thing.

LostPancake · 07-26-2009, 01:13 AM

^ thank you, i like that.

leonardess · 07-26-2009, 11:19 AM

Why, thank you for liking it.

bwidger85 · 08-04-2009, 10:14 PM

Leonardess, your right, everybody runs the same emotions and problems that any extremely introverted person would experience. I think extroverts just handle these situations differently. For example, instead of running from a "problem" they face it head on to possibly experience, learn and manage it effectively - also something you had mentioned in your post above.

But back on topic: I record my own voice very frequently, just keeping ideas down on something I can playback. Overtime, I've realized that there are so many thoughts of mine that it's better to simply play it freestyle with an ambiguous approach. It's relaxing to record your own thoughts and listen to them. However, I've also thought about recording my conversations with others to see how I interact, but never really done this. It's not strange or weird to do so because i think it will help you on your own insights. GL

Pam · 08-11-2009, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Attica! Attica!

Since we tend to always focus/obsess over things we've done wrong or bad social experiences, I thought it might be helpful to record any social interations, no matter how small, that show that I'm not a total screw up. I'm going to do this at the end or during every day, writing down small successes with minor exposure excersizes such as talking with a cashier, complimenting strangers, hanging out with friends, etc. and leave out anything that I felt embarrassed by. maybe this will help balance out my negative thoughts with more realistic, positive ones!

This is a great idea---I know cuz I do it.

For several months now, I record what I do each day that involves others. Just like you said--no matter how small. It really adds up and you can use it as evidence that you are NOT a total screw up. (It really does help!) Before I wrote things down, I'd literally forget if I did anything positive. And I mean at all. Ever...

Again--Great idea, I hope you try it!

ntl · 08-12-2009, 03:12 AM

Its a good Idea. I do it too and also write down what I thought at the time were bad interactions and write down some counter thoughts to make myself realize it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be.

hopena · 09-10-2009, 03:22 PM

I'm going to try this.

Fuzzy Logic · 09-17-2009, 02:42 AM

I read about this in a self help book I have, I think it's definitely worth trying.

07-25-2009, 05:24 PM	#1 (permalink)
Attica! Attica! Status: :P Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Colorado Gender: Female Age: 20 Posts: 293	Recording positive interactions Since we tend to always focus/obsess over things we've done wrong or bad social experiences, I thought it might be helpful to record any social interations, no matter how small, that show that I'm not a total screw up. I'm going to do this at the end or during every day, writing down small successes with minor exposure excersizes such as talking with a cashier, complimenting strangers, hanging out with friends, etc. and leave out anything that I felt embarrassed by. maybe this will help balance out my negative thoughts with more realistic, positive ones! __________________ "I'm a cabbage. I'm a good source of Riboflaven." - Robert De Niro

07-25-2009, 11:49 PM	#3 (permalink)
leonardess Status: wheresthefire?inmyeye! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: WILL you people please leave me alone?I'm supposed to be working lol Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 1,231	I've been talking more at work. I complimented someone on their outfit. I think you just have to do these things and you get better at it in time. I suppose books can help to a certain extent. Mostly I think it's practice, and being a keen observer of other people, although I think it's possible to overdo that. I often set out a plate of biscuits (cookies) for people to scarf on at work (they love me for it, and I always put it close to my desk so that it encourages some interaction), and I noticed that one person, for whom I have great affection (like a son or little brother), took a couple and then said that he likes a particular kind that was on the plate, but would come back for it - so he then picked up every biscuit on the plate and used them to cover up the one he liked so no one else would take it...... And this got me thinking - if I had done that, I immediately would have thought how rude and careless I was to touch every biscuit on that plate, other people might want to eat them, what was I, brought up in a barn??? and so on....but he didn't - I could tell, it didn't even occur to him what he'd just done. and I thought, what he did could be construed as a social faux pas, albeit a tiny one - and he is a very social person, who loves to be in the middle of things. Other people, even very social people, commmit these little errors all the time. So why shouldn't we? A woman in my office, very successful, about to be made a partner, very outgoing and so on, told me the other day how she cried when the senior partner was giving her a bad time about something. And she's a mover and shaker in our place herself. These things happen to everyone. So-called mistakes, gaffes, faux pas, losing control of one's emotions... Note to self: don't be so harsh. Nothing and no one has to say the right thing. __________________ One day I will change this sig to something really cool, if I only had a brain....

07-26-2009, 11:19 AM	#5 (permalink)
leonardess Status: wheresthefire?inmyeye! Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: WILL you people please leave me alone?I'm supposed to be working lol Gender: Female Age: 45 Posts: 1,231	Why, thank you for liking it. __________________ One day I will change this sig to something really cool, if I only had a brain....

07-25-2009, 08:21 PM	#2 (permalink)
LostPancake Status: ghostly Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: an endless labyrinth Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 780	that sounds like a good idea. my anxiety seems to be getting a bit less, which means i'm talking with people more, but that also means making more mistakes, which i do tend to focus on. i feel a mixture of excitement and stupidity. maybe i should get a book on the art of conversation or something. maybe that would help?

07-26-2009, 01:13 AM	#4 (permalink)
LostPancake Status: ghostly Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: an endless labyrinth Gender: Male Age: 40 Posts: 780	^ thank you, i like that.

08-04-2009, 10:14 PM	#6 (permalink)
bwidger85 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: Ohio Gender: Male Age: 24 Posts: 704	Leonardess, your right, everybody runs the same emotions and problems that any extremely introverted person would experience. I think extroverts just handle these situations differently. For example, instead of running from a "problem" they face it head on to possibly experience, learn and manage it effectively - also something you had mentioned in your post above. But back on topic: I record my own voice very frequently, just keeping ideas down on something I can playback. Overtime, I've realized that there are so many thoughts of mine that it's better to simply play it freestyle with an ambiguous approach. It's relaxing to record your own thoughts and listen to them. However, I've also thought about recording my conversations with others to see how I interact, but never really done this. It's not strange or weird to do so because i think it will help you on your own insights. GL

08-12-2009, 03:12 AM	#8 (permalink)
ntl Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Australia Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 109	Its a good Idea. I do it too and also write down what I thought at the time were bad interactions and write down some counter thoughts to make myself realize it wasn't as bad as I made it out to be.

09-10-2009, 03:22 PM	#9 (permalink)
hopena Status: SAS Member Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Ohio Gender: Female Posts: 199	I'm going to try this.

09-17-2009, 02:42 AM	#10 (permalink)
Fuzzy Logic Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Location: United Kingdom, Northern Ireland Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 311	I read about this in a self help book I have, I think it's definitely worth trying.