Social Anxiety Support

|30|3 · 10-02-2009, 11:31 AM

Two goals I have:

1) Family member suggests I walk up to someone in the cafeteria (University), ask if they wouldn't mind me sitting with them and having a conversation with them...ok that's a toughie.

2) We have this group project coming up, we're just signing up with a partner soon. I want to ask this person I worked with in a previous group of 3 we had. Our third partner really didn't do their part and I thought we worked well together on pulling up her slack. This one I really want to do, but nerves are kicking my ***...it's a simple question and I don't see what the big deal is but I've set it off twice already (Way to go ME!

). I'm having trouble figuring out when to ask and how to ask, I shouldn't even be worried about it but I am, and when the time comes that I've set to ask, I'm just like 'Oh, I'll do it next time'...........

Any help on attaining either of these goals would be fantastic (especially #2)

Lovesick Loner · 10-24-2009, 02:14 PM

Guess I'll be the first to offer my two cents (I'm a long-winded poster, so bear with me). I know I'd be stressing out over both these goals, too, even though there's logically no reason to.

#1 almost seems impossible for someone with SA, but it would probably be much easier if you didn't try and rehearse what your conversation would sound like beforehand. That will only put your nerves through the roof. If you just wing it, say hello, sit down with a stranger with no rehearsed lines and no lofty goals in place, you're more likely to have a conversation start naturally with very mundane small talk. Maybe nothing comes of it, or maybe you have an interesting conversation. Either way, it doesn't really matter much because it's a complete stranger.

#2 Seems like it should be easier since you technically know the person and have worked well together on a previous project. However, you're putting yourself in a trap by analyzing and planning what to say. That's probably the worst thing you can do for your anxiety. Honestly, your best bet is just to wing it and ask the question in plain, simple language. Just get to the point and don't think about details of how to start and end the conversation. We social phobics get way too flowery with how we approach a goal of talking with someone. The simple question itself will start a conversation since you already know the person and have some common experiences.

10-02-2009, 11:31 AM	#1 (permalink)
\|30\|3 Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2007 Location: Tampa, Fl Gender: Male Posts: 217	Need advice Two goals I have: 1) Family member suggests I walk up to someone in the cafeteria (University), ask if they wouldn't mind me sitting with them and having a conversation with them...ok that's a toughie. 2) We have this group project coming up, we're just signing up with a partner soon. I want to ask this person I worked with in a previous group of 3 we had. Our third partner really didn't do their part and I thought we worked well together on pulling up her slack. This one I really want to do, but nerves are kicking my ***...it's a simple question and I don't see what the big deal is but I've set it off twice already (Way to go ME! ). I'm having trouble figuring out when to ask and how to ask, I shouldn't even be worried about it but I am, and when the time comes that I've set to ask, I'm just like 'Oh, I'll do it next time'........... Any help on attaining either of these goals would be fantastic (especially #2)

10-24-2009, 02:14 PM	#2 (permalink)
Lovesick Loner Status: SAS Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Pennsylvania Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 164	Guess I'll be the first to offer my two cents (I'm a long-winded poster, so bear with me). I know I'd be stressing out over both these goals, too, even though there's logically no reason to. #1 almost seems impossible for someone with SA, but it would probably be much easier if you didn't try and rehearse what your conversation would sound like beforehand. That will only put your nerves through the roof. If you just wing it, say hello, sit down with a stranger with no rehearsed lines and no lofty goals in place, you're more likely to have a conversation start naturally with very mundane small talk. Maybe nothing comes of it, or maybe you have an interesting conversation. Either way, it doesn't really matter much because it's a complete stranger. #2 Seems like it should be easier since you technically know the person and have worked well together on a previous project. However, you're putting yourself in a trap by analyzing and planning what to say. That's probably the worst thing you can do for your anxiety. Honestly, your best bet is just to wing it and ask the question in plain, simple language. Just get to the point and don't think about details of how to start and end the conversation. We social phobics get way too flowery with how we approach a goal of talking with someone. The simple question itself will start a conversation since you already know the person and have some common experiences.