My great battle for this summer!!! CCHHHAARRGEE!!!

[Omnium11]

You have some serious balls AJ, I've been seriously contemplating doing something similar just haven't summoned up the courage yet. Very tempted to start toastmasters as thats one of my worst fears.

[_AJ_]

yeah, my balls have their own gravity, haha

yesterday I went to a bar and hung out with a buddy and we talked about ours goals and a little goal setting thing. It was so much fun! I cant believe I had "fun" at a bar!

today I went out with a beautiful girl.
I went to meet her at starbucks at 6pm, as planned and she wasnt there. I waited till 7:00 and she still didnt show. I forgot to put her cell number in my phone, so i was sitting there waiting for her to call and she didnt. I was sure I got stood up and then i remembered the library was nearby, so i went there and checked my email and got her cell number.

I called her and it turned out that there was two starbucks in the area and she was at the other one and she hadnt put my cell in her phone either!

so i met up with her, and wow! she was even prettier in person than in her photo. She was really easy to talk to, we talked for two hours without an awkward silence.
I was so nervous , but i did it anyway!! yay!

[bwidger85]

Wow man...



See, this is what I'm always talking about....

Your doing it bro... it's not that bad... and your learning many great things that will all become clear in the future and be with you forever.


I'm almost jealous honestly because last I read one of your articles was like in October(?) and your already doing things that took me years!

Congrats! Life is a learning experience. Give yourself permission to be naive and try new things because you always start somewhere

Where are you meeting these women and how are you doing it? I'm curious.

Tomorrow I plan on going out to a dance club alone and just having some fun. Never done it before but I want to make it a weekly activity. I'd like to meet more women, sure, but I know that I need to learn how to rid myself of the "loner" stigma and enjoy mingling and breaking some more barriers

[_AJ_]

oh man, i need to take a break from all this for awhile

[_AJ_]

alright, break times over

time to put this technique to the test! --> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ArtxNt606U

I just went to the store and the technique seemed to work well. of course i dont have problems at the store.

Im going to the gym today , where i feel a bit more anxious. ill try the techinique there.

and then tonight I go to a bar for a friends farewell party! thats where I really put this to the test!

[_AJ_]

so i went to the bar, sat there and socialized with people, danced with 3 different girls, rode a mechanical bull, went out for pizza with two girls afterwards. both of them wanted me to be their roomate, haha.

the techniqued worked quite well. it didnt turn me into a social butterfly, but it kept me from getting all anxious and wanting to get out of there. I was just being an observer, observing the people, observing the anxiety and just acccepting everything as is. so i was very calm and cool.

[_AJ_]

ok, so last saturday i went out with a girl to a movie and coffee, then went out with her to the gym on tuesday.
I had coffee with another girl on wednesday.

then i just got bummed out and canceled everything from thursday till now and have just been going to work and then coming home and relaxing.

oh man, this feels like im draggin myself threw everything.
If i could just feel a desire for all this stuff somehow, i could achieve everything i want in a week.

[_AJ_]

I had a revelation the other day:
I say I have SA because its a good excuse to avoid social situations and to avoid being weak.

for example, when I have to fight for my rights against someone, I dont. My justification for that my SA prevents me. cause thats less hurtful than knowing im weak.

when I want to make friends or form relationships, I don't. my justification is that I have SA , so
"I can't have a fun conversation cause i have sa"

I also use laziness alot.
"Im too lazy to go out and meet people, Im too lazy to put the effort in to conversation"


but the thing is, it does hurt and there is painful anxiety to do these things! theres no doubt about that. BUT avoiding the real problem is not the answer.

so Im just gona face the real issue here! and that is that I am weak socially! I am weak compared to all these extroverted people i see.

so when someone asks: "Why so quiet?"
my response: "cause Im weak, but I dont wanna be, so lets talk "

[_AJ_]

ok, SAS meetup 2 is happening tomorrow, yay

[bwidger85]

Originally Posted by _AJ_

ok, so last saturday i went out with a girl to a movie and coffee, then went out with her to the gym on tuesday.
I had coffee with another girl on wednesday.

then i just got bummed out and canceled everything from thursday till now and have just been going to work and then coming home and relaxing.

oh man, this feels like im draggin myself threw everything.
If i could just feel a desire for all this stuff somehow, i could achieve everything i want in a week.

Holy crap AJ... that's a lot of dates! Amazing! I have a hard time getting girls to do anything let alone what you did in one week! Anything special with them? Any chemistry? Where are you meeting these girls? Are they pretty? Info! Info! :P

Also, how do you feel about doing all this social stuff? Is being social feel like work to you or are you truly enjoying yourself? Your doing some amazing things right now!

Sorry about all the questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to but I'm super curious...

[bwidger85]

Originally Posted by _AJ_

I had a revelation the other day:
I say I have SA because its a good excuse to avoid social situations and to avoid being weak.

for example, when I have to fight for my rights against someone, I dont. My justification for that my SA prevents me. cause thats less hurtful than knowing im weak.

when I want to make friends or form relationships, I don't. my justification is that I have SA , so
"I can't have a fun conversation cause i have sa"

I also use laziness alot.
"Im too lazy to go out and meet people, Im too lazy to put the effort in to conversation"


but the thing is, it does hurt and there is painful anxiety to do these things! theres no doubt about that. BUT avoiding the real problem is not the answer.

so Im just gona face the real issue here! and that is that I am weak socially! I am weak compared to all these extroverted people i see.

so when someone asks: "Why so quiet?"
my response: "cause Im weak, but I dont wanna be, so lets talk "

That's awesome, seriously. Being "weak" as an introvert does not mean your helpless. In fact, your willpower speaks for itself! Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Astonishingly, even some extroverts think of themselves as shy at times. It's our choice to be either at any given time because we are neither concretely introverts nor extroverts if we take action. Our focus remains on our perceived "negative" aspects of ourselves, yet we can always use these emotions as something positive. We can turn our negatives into motivation, into learning, into confidence. My point is, as often as you may of heard this before, whether extroverted or introverted, we ALL are set on the same playing field with the same rules. Being introverted means you may have to work harder on the inside to do things but on the outside your amongst the same VIP's in the arena, and if you give yourself the chance to be in the same league you'll do just as well or better than anyone else because we are all on the same playing field. Your doing a great job AJ! Your achieving so much more than you know! I'm almost jealous about the girls, seriously... :P

If I asked why someone was quiet and they told me because they felt weak I would instantly admire their honesty. It's refreshing to hear someone speak from their heart rather than what others want to hear.

[_AJ_]

aw man, havent been on in awhile

Im been busy moving into my new place

its an apartment by whyte ave, the central party area in edmonton

and its all to myself! yay

we had a party here on saturday with people from SAS chat. was fun


oh ya, and this technique worked great for getting rid of anxiety http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ArtxNt606U

but it doesnt make me any more social, Im just calm cool and relaxed. now i just gotta be extroverted somehow

[_AJ_]

Originally Posted by bwidger85

Holy crap AJ... that's a lot of dates! Amazing! I have a hard time getting girls to do anything let alone what you did in one week! Anything special with them? Any chemistry? Where are you meeting these girls? Are they pretty? Info! Info! :P

Also, how do you feel about doing all this social stuff? Is being social feel like work to you or are you truly enjoying yourself? Your doing some amazing things right now!
...

I usually meet people online, but these i met in a bar and the other at the mall.
being social does feel like work, but i am feeling a bit of fun, so all i focus on is that fun and its growing veeeerrrry slowly.

[_AJ_]

Originally Posted by bwidger85

That's awesome, seriously. Being "weak" as an introvert does not mean your helpless. In fact, your willpower speaks for itself! Actions ALWAYS speak louder than words. Astonishingly, even some extroverts think of themselves as shy at times. It's our choice to be either at any given time because we are neither concretely introverts nor extroverts if we take action. Our focus remains on our perceived "negative" aspects of ourselves, yet we can always use these emotions as something positive. We can turn our negatives into motivation, into learning, into confidence. My point is, as often as you may of heard this before, whether extroverted or introverted, we ALL are set on the same playing field with the same rules. Being introverted means you may have to work harder on the inside to do things but on the outside your amongst the same VIP's in the arena, and if you give yourself the chance to be in the same league you'll do just as well or better than anyone else because we are all on the same playing field. Your doing a great job AJ! Your achieving so much more than you know! I'm almost jealous about the girls, seriously... :P

If I asked why someone was quiet and they told me because they felt weak I would instantly admire their honesty. It's refreshing to hear someone speak from their heart rather than what others want to hear.

yeah, Im out of shape socially, but i can get in shape, but i gotta figure out how the hard way cause theres no personal trainers for this

[_AJ_]

ok, so im just gona summarize my plan for the next three months for my own records, and so that Im clear about it and so that I am held accountable

now that I have my own place, i can do many things! heres the plan:

1)
listen to all the good affirmations on my "think right now" cd's all day at home, and with headphones at work.
(source: http://www.thinkrightnow.com/audios/social-anxiety.asp)
now that I have my own place i can listen to it all day without embarrassment, and being a mailman means i can listen on my headphones all day.
it says stuff like:
"I welcome close relationships with other people
I can quickly develop a rapport with almost anyone
I've replaced all fear of disapproval with confidence and courage
I have a great sense of humor about myself now
I'm free of all resistance to meeting people and making new friends.
I am very comfortable expressing my needs and desires
I can be myself and still be well-liked by others
I know being judged is part of life, so when it happens, I just let it go
Anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend"

so its non-stop good thoughts

2)
use the self-therapy technique whenever in any social situation
(source: http://www.selftherapy.org)
its like just feeling the anxiety and acceptingg it and accepting the situation and not caring about it all, just acknowledge it and it slowly fades away

3)
hang out with SAS edmonton peeps and have fun. i now have a place to invite them over.
more fun = more attraction to the idea of hanging out with peeps

4)
cut off my family, the original source of the SA. having my own place works great for that. They were just making me wanna never talk to anyone ever and repelled from everyone. Im finding myself less and less repelled by people now

5)
use my own place to enhance fitness and nutrition. I only buy nutritious food, and have all this space to work out in! yay
ill keep doing this plan: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f10/abs-of-steel-round-2-fight-67984/


this will be done for three whole months and then a full report will be made right after halloween


the original plan was to charge into everything. the new plan is more about creating an attraction to people as opposed to rushing in, having a bad time and feeding the phobia of people

[bwidger85]

I've also found moving out of my dad's house helped me focus more on myself and the things I needed to accomplish. Good luck!

[_AJ_]

damnit, i need a way to create an attraction to socializing with humans!!!

right now i got maximum repulsion!! the idea of talking to people makes me wanna throw up!! however, I seem to like typing....odd

anyways, lets use some patterning, nlp, conditioning, whatever stuff to create an attraction to this blah blah blah crap!

here we go!:

aaah socializing, such a beautiful joy it is! how i love to share my thoughts with people! its like that feeling when your ear pops releasing the pressure and relaxing and feeling goood. and i like joking around and laughing together, hahahaa. its so much fun, its like a pleasant warm feeling of closeness and happiness when you can find fun together and bond.


there, now after reading that, who among you wouldnt want to socialize!! who I say! who!

[_AJ_]

aahh, i how I love to meet new people! you never know what they're gona say or how they're gona be! the suspense is like picking a chance card in monopoly and seeing what you get! its like trying new food and seeing how it tastes! getting to know them is like drawing a picture, filling a blank page with everything your curious about! will they be friendly or not? what will they have in common? its so interesting to find out!

[Gary]

awesome man, I find it funny that peopel actually freaked out on this thread all like "not even non-saers would do that why are you doign this?"

I dont know why even ask that question, the man is shooting for social excellence give him props, dont question it.

Mad resperect seriously.

[_AJ_]

man, im just gona stick to 1on1 outings with sa people. everything else is way to hard.

not hard to do, but hard to do and achieve fun



im putting together a controlled plan to force fun to happen

the base of the conversation will be escalating small talk. By "escalating" i mean it will start with simple formal topics like the weather and move to more personal ones slowly and gradually.
some examples of escalating small talk topics are here:
http://searchwarp.com/swa45156.htm
the escalating small talk will be what I turn to when there is nothing else to say.

the escalating small talk will bring about a variety of different topics that can branch off into telling of experiences, thoughts and feelings relating to that topic.

and of course, theres tons of ways that these topics can be mocked to create humor. but there must be a serious topic to mock or else humor cant exist. even comedians need to start with a serious story before they mock it.

talking and listening must be equal, fun shall be achieved mainly threw humor, but also threw expression and curiousity satifaction.
junk food will be allowed on all social outings to add more to the fun.

positive attitude will be maintained by looking at good things. happy pills will be used to help

there can be no chance of being alienated due to everyone talking to each other and avoiding me, so 1on1 outings only.


if the fun is not controlled and forced to happen, then boring painful anxious experiences are guarenteed. Every boring painful anxious experience is a failure, regardless of what i achieve. Even if I were to go sing in front of the world, jump around naked in front of the president, go propose marriage to everyone i see and go to the bar and jump on the table and dance and scream obsenities and then at the end of the night I associate pain to the outing, then its a failure, because if I dont want to do it again and have associated pain to social outing, then SA grows stronger, period!