Social Anxiety Support

_AJ_ · 04-19-2009, 08:46 AM

Ok! here we go!

yesterday I went out dancing and did both dancing on my own if front of everyone plus i danced a few times with the prettiest girl in the room
then everyone went out and I was like "group hug!!" and we all hugged, haha
and we walked around in a dark dangerous neighborhood and talked.
then I drove down to the local bar/club area and yelled stuff out the window at people, haha

and all without drinking any alchohol

today Im going to church and then out for lunch with friends

Freedom2010 · 04-19-2009, 05:45 PM

Wow! You are becoming quite the social butterfly

Encore · 04-19-2009, 06:32 PM

Great stuff man

_AJ_ · 04-19-2009, 08:31 PM

ok, so i went out to church and ended up meeting a bunch of people and we all went to a seminar thing for improving your life, then we went for some burgers.
and just now I went out and chilled with this girl i know

aaah, im out of control

and yet still, i must have more!!!

slylikeafox · 04-20-2009, 12:21 PM

Congrats on your successes! It sounds like you are doing great. It does seem like a lot, but that can be good. Sometimes the only way to overcome something like this, is to throw yourself right in to the deep end. I really should start pushing myself more.

_AJ_ · 04-26-2009, 07:50 PM

went out to dinner and movie with girl on friday, went out with her again on saturday and drove around seeing stuff in the city. and today I went to yoga class, went to church, went to a cultural gathering and eating, and then went to a little apartment dinner party and socialized all day.

alot of stuff, and I gotta say, this isnt going to well. Im just forcing myself to do all these things and i hate doing them. you can change things physically, but if your mentally ****ed up, your screwed. you cant cut open your brain and fix it. I dont know what to do.

possible ideas:

-develop a bad boy mentallity where I care more about myself than anyone and just do and say whatever i feel like with the goal of having fun

-develop a warm hearted mentallity where I just visuallized kindness and love in people all day long, until proven otherwise, and keep smiling and staying positive

-develop a I-suck-haha mentallity, so when I suck at something I just find it funny and keep trying

but damn, i dont know how to change mentalities, its very difficult to create a permanent change to your way of thinking. you can force it to change, but its back again the next day!!

the hypothesis is that is I keep changing my mentallity to the desired one, it will eventually become habitual

but how long will this take? and how can I keep this up 24/7????

some tests need to be conducted

_AJ_ · 04-26-2009, 08:52 PM

ok, heres what ill do:
I get tired at work and wanna just go home and relax. I will change my mentality to love work and enjoy what im doing right to the end to the point that I wanna do it again.

once ive figure out how i changed the mentality, i shall apply the same principal to the harder situation of social mentality

and ill turn the nice guy, negative thinking, 'fear of failure' attitude into a bad boy, positive thinking guy who gets a kick at being sucky at stuff

ill do it tomorrow!! and then on tuesday ill see if it sticks, meaning i enjoy my job automatically without having to think about it. if it doesnt, ill have to try again until it does become a automatic habit.
once its made clear how to and how long it takes to work, I can write up a structured instructions on how to change mentality and apply it to socializing, friends, dating, etc

_AJ_ · 04-27-2009, 02:53 PM

ok, it worked out pretty good!

I had so much fun doing my job today.
its quite the fun challenge to try to have fun when things are difficult. All day today bad stuff was happening and I was laughing my *** off threw it all. I was spilling my drink and mixing up my work and getting all lost and it was cold out, but it was fun cause I saw it all as a challenge and glorious adventure.

I kept up that attitude for 8 hours straight, and although i slipped into negativity occasionally I just kept correcting myself with the goal of building the good mindframe into an automatic habitual thing.

so I should have form a little bit of a habitual response today, so tomorrow when bad things happen, I should automatically find it funny and stay positive. If theres even a little bit of the habit formed, then this is a success, ill just have to repeat what i did today again and again until this habit is very strong and can stand on its own.

then I can use this same technique for social situations.

Freedom2010 · 04-28-2009, 12:35 PM

I'm glad you are enjoying your job. You seem to have a very positive attitude. With that positive attitude, you will be able to accomplish many great things

anzoh · 04-28-2009, 12:40 PM

Sounds like you have really really decided to get better. That's good!

_AJ_ · 04-28-2009, 08:44 PM

yeah!!! its now or never!!!

ok, my brain's habit forming ability seems to be functioning properly. There was some automatic response today at work, it was great! now i need to apply this with social scenerios.

I went out with a girl today and we went shopping and eating and then parked on a cliff and chatted for a bit.

It felt much better today

_AJ_ · 05-02-2009, 08:03 PM

alright, went to a cultural dance and dinner thing today.
it was pretty depressing watching the children have so much fun running around and playing, while the adult all just sat and talked. I dont know why adults enjoy talking so much and hate playing tag and hide and seek and stuff.

ah well, what can ya do

RyanJ · 05-03-2009, 06:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _AJ_

I went out with a girl today and we went shopping and eating and then parked on a cliff and chatted for a bit.

See, I don't think that would help my anxiety...

This is a very interesting read, and I hope you keep posting. I feel motivated just reading it...

_AJ_ · 05-03-2009, 01:40 PM

excellent, i like to motivate

Im gona take a rest today from all this socializing to work on my plan in more detail. I know how to put an end to this SA problem once and for all.
its just doing the following a zillion times:

push yourself to change mind frame to a friendship oriented mind set while exposing yourself to social scenerios.

sort of like the whole cbt+exposure therapy route, but Im doing this myself so its more custom made for the type of person i want to be and i dont rely on a therapist to guide me, instead ill guide myself since Im available 24/7

Ive been able to force my thinking to be better and also get myself out into real social situations, but the hard part ive been having is doing it a zillion times or however times necessary for the change to be permanent.

but im working on a new plan right now to deal with this problem right now

alohomora · 05-03-2009, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _AJ_

alright, went to a cultural dance and dinner thing today.
it was pretty depressing watching the children have so much fun running around and playing, while the adult all just sat and talked. I dont know why adults enjoy talking so much and hate playing tag and hide and seek and stuff.

ah well, what can ya do

Yeah, nonverbal expression is so much better than verbal. Adults are pretty boring. I can't understand it either when the dance floor is empty and people are just chatting...and I won't take the initiative to go out on the dance floor by myself because I have SA, lol. Kids are have much better times at parties. I know I used to have much more fun as a kid when I attended wedding parties. Now I have to be like all the grownups.

Globe_Trekker · 05-03-2009, 09:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _AJ_

alright, its almost time for a social charge!!! this summer Im going to do all the following like crazy:
-toastmasters
-nightclub/bars
-meeting SAS people in person
-speed dating
-cultural events
-social clubs
-dating relationship bootcamp
-spiritual classes
-meetup.com
-mall excersizes(changing perceptions in cafeteria, chit chatting with salespeople in stores, asking people for time, etc)
-phone people i know for chit chat
-phone people i dont know for chit chat(may use soundboard technology for assistance)
-Dances and dance classes
-online dating
-use excort service or female friends for practice date
-webcam/mic chats
-have someone video tape me proposing marriage to random strangers

I'm not sure it's as easy as you make it sound...some of these things you propose doing are kind of crazy (the ones I've underlined in fat - phoning people you don't know just for chit chat is odd and sort of rude - using escort service just to practice a date is a waste of the escort' time (using a female friend is fine) - I'm not sure random strangers will like you proposing marriage (or secretly videotaping them)...I would be careful with that one. The rest seems like a good idea...just go for it I say!

_AJ_ · 05-07-2009, 09:17 PM

yeah, some of them are kinda out there, haha
I wont video tape anyone or use any escort services.

but yesterday I went and hung out with a girl, and today I went to an assertiveness training thing and then had coffee with them all afterwards

Globe_Trekker · 05-07-2009, 09:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by _AJ_

yeah, some of them are kinda out there, haha
I wont video tape anyone or use any escort services.

but yesterday I went and hung out with a girl, and today I went to an assertiveness training thing and then had coffee with them all afterwards

^ that's really great!

rockst4r · 05-07-2009, 11:53 PM

good job ;]

rockst4r · 05-08-2009, 12:09 AM

damn thats a lotta goals aj, but good luck!! my one in only right now is to register and pass this damn speech class i need to graduate!!

04-19-2009, 05:45 PM	#22 (permalink)
Freedom2010 Status: breaking free Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Here, there, and eveywhere Gender: Female Posts: 2,214	Wow! You are becoming quite the social butterfly __________________ "Live right now- just be yourself. Doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else." - Jimmy Eat World

04-20-2009, 12:21 PM	#25 (permalink)
slylikeafox Status: SAS Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Michigan Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 1,685	Congrats on your successes! It sounds like you are doing great. It does seem like a lot, but that can be good. Sometimes the only way to overcome something like this, is to throw yourself right in to the deep end. I really should start pushing myself more. __________________ "Aim at the sun, and you may not reach it; but your arrow will fly far higher than if aimed at an object on a level with yourself" - Joel Hawes

04-28-2009, 12:35 PM	#29 (permalink)
Freedom2010 Status: breaking free Join Date: Jan 2009 Location: Here, there, and eveywhere Gender: Female Posts: 2,214	I'm glad you are enjoying your job. You seem to have a very positive attitude. With that positive attitude, you will be able to accomplish many great things __________________ "Live right now- just be yourself. Doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else." - Jimmy Eat World

04-19-2009, 08:46 AM	#21 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	Ok! here we go! yesterday I went out dancing and did both dancing on my own if front of everyone plus i danced a few times with the prettiest girl in the room then everyone went out and I was like "group hug!!" and we all hugged, haha and we walked around in a dark dangerous neighborhood and talked. then I drove down to the local bar/club area and yelled stuff out the window at people, haha and all without drinking any alchohol today Im going to church and then out for lunch with friends

04-19-2009, 06:32 PM	#23 (permalink)
Encore Status: SAS Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: New Jersey Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 207	Great stuff man

04-19-2009, 08:31 PM	#24 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	ok, so i went out to church and ended up meeting a bunch of people and we all went to a seminar thing for improving your life, then we went for some burgers. and just now I went out and chilled with this girl i know aaah, im out of control and yet still, i must have more!!!

04-26-2009, 07:50 PM	#26 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	went out to dinner and movie with girl on friday, went out with her again on saturday and drove around seeing stuff in the city. and today I went to yoga class, went to church, went to a cultural gathering and eating, and then went to a little apartment dinner party and socialized all day. alot of stuff, and I gotta say, this isnt going to well. Im just forcing myself to do all these things and i hate doing them. you can change things physically, but if your mentally ****ed up, your screwed. you cant cut open your brain and fix it. I dont know what to do. possible ideas: -develop a bad boy mentallity where I care more about myself than anyone and just do and say whatever i feel like with the goal of having fun -develop a warm hearted mentallity where I just visuallized kindness and love in people all day long, until proven otherwise, and keep smiling and staying positive -develop a I-suck-haha mentallity, so when I suck at something I just find it funny and keep trying but damn, i dont know how to change mentalities, its very difficult to create a permanent change to your way of thinking. you can force it to change, but its back again the next day!! the hypothesis is that is I keep changing my mentallity to the desired one, it will eventually become habitual but how long will this take? and how can I keep this up 24/7???? some tests need to be conducted

04-26-2009, 08:52 PM	#27 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	ok, heres what ill do: I get tired at work and wanna just go home and relax. I will change my mentality to love work and enjoy what im doing right to the end to the point that I wanna do it again. once ive figure out how i changed the mentality, i shall apply the same principal to the harder situation of social mentality and ill turn the nice guy, negative thinking, 'fear of failure' attitude into a bad boy, positive thinking guy who gets a kick at being sucky at stuff ill do it tomorrow!! and then on tuesday ill see if it sticks, meaning i enjoy my job automatically without having to think about it. if it doesnt, ill have to try again until it does become a automatic habit. once its made clear how to and how long it takes to work, I can write up a structured instructions on how to change mentality and apply it to socializing, friends, dating, etc

04-27-2009, 02:53 PM	#28 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	ok, it worked out pretty good! I had so much fun doing my job today. its quite the fun challenge to try to have fun when things are difficult. All day today bad stuff was happening and I was laughing my *** off threw it all. I was spilling my drink and mixing up my work and getting all lost and it was cold out, but it was fun cause I saw it all as a challenge and glorious adventure. I kept up that attitude for 8 hours straight, and although i slipped into negativity occasionally I just kept correcting myself with the goal of building the good mindframe into an automatic habitual thing. so I should have form a little bit of a habitual response today, so tomorrow when bad things happen, I should automatically find it funny and stay positive. If theres even a little bit of the habit formed, then this is a success, ill just have to repeat what i did today again and again until this habit is very strong and can stand on its own. then I can use this same technique for social situations.

04-28-2009, 12:40 PM	#30 (permalink)
anzoh Status: Permanently Banned Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Tampere / Finland Gender: Male Age: 21 Posts: 20	Sounds like you have really really decided to get better. That's good!

04-28-2009, 08:44 PM	#31 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	yeah!!! its now or never!!! ok, my brain's habit forming ability seems to be functioning properly. There was some automatic response today at work, it was great! now i need to apply this with social scenerios. I went out with a girl today and we went shopping and eating and then parked on a cliff and chatted for a bit. It felt much better today

05-02-2009, 08:03 PM	#32 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	alright, went to a cultural dance and dinner thing today. it was pretty depressing watching the children have so much fun running around and playing, while the adult all just sat and talked. I dont know why adults enjoy talking so much and hate playing tag and hide and seek and stuff. ah well, what can ya do

05-03-2009, 01:40 PM	#34 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	excellent, i like to motivate Im gona take a rest today from all this socializing to work on my plan in more detail. I know how to put an end to this SA problem once and for all. its just doing the following a zillion times: push yourself to change mind frame to a friendship oriented mind set while exposing yourself to social scenerios. sort of like the whole cbt+exposure therapy route, but Im doing this myself so its more custom made for the type of person i want to be and i dont rely on a therapist to guide me, instead ill guide myself since Im available 24/7 Ive been able to force my thinking to be better and also get myself out into real social situations, but the hard part ive been having is doing it a zillion times or however times necessary for the change to be permanent. but im working on a new plan right now to deal with this problem right now

05-07-2009, 09:17 PM	#37 (permalink)
_AJ_ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Edmonton, Alberta, Canada Posts: 731	yeah, some of them are kinda out there, haha I wont video tape anyone or use any escort services. but yesterday I went and hung out with a girl, and today I went to an assertiveness training thing and then had coffee with them all afterwards

05-07-2009, 11:53 PM	#39 (permalink)
rockst4r Status: sp chick Join Date: May 2009 Location: Brooklyn Gender: Female Posts: 141	good job ;]

05-08-2009, 12:09 AM	#40 (permalink)
rockst4r Status: sp chick Join Date: May 2009 Location: Brooklyn Gender: Female Posts: 141	damn thats a lotta goals aj, but good luck!! my one in only right now is to register and pass this damn speech class i need to graduate!!