Social Anxiety Support

~Jessie~ · 06-29-2010, 04:25 PM

I have many goals that I'd like to achieve and I feel if I write them all down, I automatically will feel overwhelmed with it. So I'm just going to tackle one goal at a time.

I was very hesitant to post this because I am really worried I will not follow through with what I say and of course others will think badly of me for not following through. What an irrational fear can do to you if you allow it to take over your thinking.

So I've had a fear of using the wonderful invention, the phone, for such a very long time. I don't really know why it has become such an issue for me but it is one of the few things that is stopping me from moving forward in my life. I'll list all my fears relating to the phone and then my goals for overcoming it little by little.

Fears - Answering the Phone:
I will talk to a stranger.
I will talk to the wrong person.
I will be yelled at on the phone.
I will not know what to say back to them.
I will not remember what was said.
I will not be able to end the conversation, gracefully.
I will mispronounce something while speaking.

Making the Call:
I will dial the wrong number.
I will talk to the wrong person.
They will hang up on me.
I will not know what to ask them.

Phone Related Issues:
Feel pressure to keep conversation interesting.
I don't feel like I can multitask while talking on the phone.
I don't feel comfortable leaving messeges.
I don't like using the phone when other people are nearby.

However some of my fears are because I am not very skilled with using the phones in general. From not having to use one for over 10 years, I am not familiar with all the buttons on the wireless phones, including my cellphone. I'm afraid I'll press the wrong thing and it may call a random person. I guess talking to someone I don't know skyrockets my anxiety more than keeping a conversation going and using the phone. I don't know who the person so I don't know HOW to talk to them and therefore find myself trapped in an awkward conversation on the phone with them. And i'm sure there is more fears I have but those ones are what I can think of at the moment.

My goals towards overcoming this fear is going to be very slow. My mom recently told me something that made me want to get over this fear and gave me a little exposure therapy of it yesterday in the morning. She wanted me to have a conversation with her on the phone while in the same room. Seemed really silly to do but it actually helped me a bit. She said when I feel anxious that I can say this phrase "The phone is my friend". Again, sounds really silly but it helps me.

So what I'm going to do is for now. I'll do the following off and on for a few weeks.
1. Talk to my mom on the phone several times a week
2. I will not 'hide' and be quiet and freeze up when the phone rings in my home. If I'm feeling brave enough, I'll just hand the phone to the nearest person instead.
(Normally I will shy away and be silent so someone else has to reach it and answer it, no matter how inconvenient it may be for them.)

And that is all I will be tackling for now. I want to take this slow and I want to make sure I defeat this fear once and for all. I believe if I overcame this it would be 40-50% of my SA gone. A lot of it has to do with using the phone and i'm at a stand still in my overall progress because of it. I have so many things I want to do and I don't feel I can since it all leads back to the phone.

I'm not sure how often I will post my progress but I will be posting updates about it as much as I can. I am not on any meds or anything, this is just pure me tackling this fear. I am tired of waiting to see another therapist. It is time to take matters into my own hands.

There is no time limit to this either. I am trying not to do anything that would scream "overwhelming and pressuring" to me right now.

Chri588 · 06-29-2010, 04:42 PM

I know exactly how you feel. I hate using phones. I think my biggest fear is not knowing what to say, or saying the wrong thing. If I really have to make a call, I will go over the conversation again and again in my head, trying to cover everything that could be said. I put off having to make the call for hours on end, I hate it.

Good luck with your goals, hope you manage to beat this fear, and I think that taking it slow is a good idea. Don't want to try and tackle too much at once.

~Jessie~ · 06-29-2010, 07:31 PM

Making the call for me never happens because of those same fears. Once in a blue moon I will answer the phone without hesitation but I can't always wait for that "blue moon" moment haha

It also doesn't help that I don't have very many people I can call for 'exposure' therapy anymore. I am going to just take baby steps up the ladder to tackle the fear.

A safety behaviour that I do is sometimes I will wait til the answering machine gets it and if its my brother or my mom, they usually will say "Hey, its me, pick up the phone" so I do and have a brief conversation. But even for family, it is still nerve-wracking because I am just not use to talking on the phone very much.

I just thought of how I sometimes sound angry when speaking to someone on the phone but it is just because I am super nervous about it. I don't want to give off that impression of being negative towards anyone at all.

millenniumman75 · 06-29-2010, 08:04 PM

I am getting better at this - no one has ever yelled at me. I'd yell right back at them!

Miss Meggie · 06-29-2010, 11:25 PM

That's a great list of fears and you seem to have some good exposures planned! In my experience, having a good understanding of your fears and a set list of exposures really helps get over the fear.
I understand completely your fear of the telephone. I was 17 before I made my first phone call. And, like you, it was to my mother. It wasn't really until the last few months that I've felt more comfortable making phone calls. I still get anxious calling places like my doctor's office and stuff, but that anxiety is going away too.
So I wish you luck. Please post as you go along!

pita · 06-30-2010, 06:57 AM

I think you can definitely lessen your fear of phones. I've made significant improvements, myself. Good luck with your goals.

Jessie203 · 06-30-2010, 07:18 AM

Nice job Jessie. You seem very mature and practical with approaching this.
I'm very sure you will soon be a chatterbox on the phone!!! =)

Pr0n · 06-30-2010, 07:26 AM

I don't have much problems answering the phone, but calling is just traumatic. I don't know why, but I hate making phone calls. I feel childish when I have to make someone else make callings for me.

~Jessie~ · 06-30-2010, 08:11 AM

Aww thank you everyone. I have been avoiding it right now for the time being because I have a wedding to stress over instead lol.

I suppose my fear stems a bit from how I've seen my family handle it, they had some arguments over the phone in the past and so I worry that one of them will do the same with me. Also it didn't help that when my grandparents were still around(all have passed now), my dad's mom wouldn't ever say bye at all. She would talk to you on the phone and when conversation ended, she'd hang up on you lol. It kind of confused me since a few times I wanted to say something else and I would hear a click on the other end

I didn't include the bad effects it has on me but as a result of this fear. I can't make appointments for anything or call to cancel if I need to, get a job and dating(not that it is on my top priority list at all right now) and just anyone who wants to talk to me on the phone.

I may ask my mom to do a little bit of exposure later if there is time or tomorrow. For now I am keeping my cellphone with me as usually I shove it off somewhere across the room to avoid anyone who calls me instead of texting which doesn't happen that often, thankfully. It was my sister's phone before so some of her friends forget and call her on it instead of on her new one. Would be nice to get another cellphone but don't have the funds for it *sigh*

danberado · 06-30-2010, 03:43 PM

Yeah, I have this phobia too and was thinking of starting my own goal thread about it, but having noticed this, I think I'll just leech off yours instead! I've been putting off 3 or 4 important phone calls for a few months now. I was also going to call a job resource program today, but couldn't build up the nerve.

My current goal is to make all of these calls by the end of the week.

strawberryjulius · 06-30-2010, 06:35 PM

Keep up the good work.

I think I've conquered my fear of calling people for the most part but I'm still scared of answering.

danberado · 07-01-2010, 02:27 PM

I just had a phone call about my anxiety and now I'm going to be feeling weird and uncomfortable about it all day. What a nightmare.

JimmyDeansRetartedCousin · 07-02-2010, 02:19 PM

A good trick is to smile when you answer the phone, it will come across in the communication and get things off on a good start. Some people are just miserable though, unwavering positivity winds them up no end.

Hello22 · 07-02-2010, 03:35 PM

I used to have this problem a long time ago - i just couldnt pick up the phone. I found the more exposure i got from answering calls, the less anxious i would get making/ answering calls in the long run.

danberado · 07-02-2010, 05:54 PM

For me answering isn't the same at all, because the onus is on the caller to get to the point.

Keith · 07-02-2010, 06:07 PM

I used to have a really bad phone phobia but i manged to mostly overcome it i still hate leaving messages and sometimes calling to order food but i do it. Sometimes i still won't answer my phone but overall I've gotten a lot better with practice. My last job really desensitized me with phones i had to answer the phone there and talk to strangers which was so tough at first, i felt super anxious every time the phone rang and sometimes i would just let it ring and let a a co-worker pick it up but with practice i became alot more comfortable with it.

I just want to wish you luck and i just wanted to share so that you can see that it is possible to make improvements with practice.Keep working at it and you will get alot better!

Glacial · 07-02-2010, 06:32 PM

I don't really have telephonobia anymore, but I used to. I remember sometimes I would start to dial a phone number 15 times and hang up midway each time. There have even been times when I dialed the entire number and hung up real quick after the person answered because I got too scared...I think it was when I was calling about a job of all things! That was about three years ago.

Jendayi · 07-02-2010, 07:32 PM

I've had a phone phobia since 2006 and I believe I know exactly where it stems from. Shortly after my ex and I broke up, his dad called me with some extremely upsetting news. The relationship, itself, had already been pretty psychologically traumatizing but what his dad told me on that day sent me close to the edge of a breakdown. I thought the tears would never stop but somehow they did and I went back to work( I was home on my lunchbreak at the time). Well...my work involved being on the phones and in the middle of a call, the tears came back. I had to leave work and called in for the next two days. And now, four years later, any phone interaction triggers the memories of that day. I hardly ever answer the phone or return calls unless its my family.

Girl_Loner · 07-03-2010, 06:04 AM

I used to have all the same symptoms as you Jessie,
phone calls were terrifying.I just wouldnt do it. On the rare occasion
I would but it was only because the alternitive was worse.
Being made to order food knowing that If I didnt I would get yelled at.
I would do crazy things like get changed into 'good' clothes brush my hair,
brush my teeth wait till other people were out of the room. As I was scared they would hear what I said and think I was stupid or they would distract me while I was on the phone and I would mess it up.

I can call anyone now, I do still have slight hesitation but only for a minute.

My family all knew to do a certain 'ring' twice/hang up then call again
and I would answer. Amazing they didnt realise that this was NOT typical behaviour.

But I was challenged through therapy to make my next appointment myself, and not to get someone to call for me. Over time this helped a great deal and I slowly grew more comfortable calling and answering the phone.

I think your on a great track, and your right give yourself time.

You can do it.

x

knitknack · 09-07-2010, 08:14 AM

I have always had an issue with the phone. I thought it was just me for the longest time. I was looking online and found out that it's an actual fear. I get a lot of friends tell me they don't like to make phone calls but I don't think they understand the extent of this fear.

My anxiety rises just thinking of making or answer the phone. As the phone rings I plan what I'm going to say when someone answers. I want to listen to what they say when they answer to make sure I've called the right place. What if I called the wrong number, what if it's a different business/office now? Someone answers and I they mumble so I don't really know what they've said, my anxiety goes up. I start to speak and stumble over my words and the person doesn't hear my so I have to repeat myself. I don't know what to say, I say the wrong thing, I called the wrong department, I don't know the answer. The person is mean, making me feel stupid. When the call is over, I cry, all the emotions are able to be released and the worst part is, I have to call somewhere else.

I'm lucky to have my husband who usually makes all my phone calls for me. He hates doing it and always says the wrong thing but at least I don't have to always do it. I try and put everything in his name or else they'll ask for me to be put on the phone. I email when I can even when someone says to call them. I try and text but feel bad if they don't have unlimited texting.

I avoid jobs that require I use the phone and I have in the past kept working as the phone rang, waiting for someone else to answer it.

My recent issue: I want to see a therapist about my anxiety but I have to call and make the appointment. I've already called a couple places, one isn't accepting new patients (cried after that call) and the other transferred me twice to an answer machine where I relunctantly left a message after 3 tries.

06-29-2010, 04:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
~Jessie~ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 338	Getting over that telephobia I have many goals that I'd like to achieve and I feel if I write them all down, I automatically will feel overwhelmed with it. So I'm just going to tackle one goal at a time. I was very hesitant to post this because I am really worried I will not follow through with what I say and of course others will think badly of me for not following through. What an irrational fear can do to you if you allow it to take over your thinking. So I've had a fear of using the wonderful invention, the phone, for such a very long time. I don't really know why it has become such an issue for me but it is one of the few things that is stopping me from moving forward in my life. I'll list all my fears relating to the phone and then my goals for overcoming it little by little. Fears - Answering the Phone: I will talk to a stranger. I will talk to the wrong person. I will be yelled at on the phone. I will not know what to say back to them. I will not remember what was said. I will not be able to end the conversation, gracefully. I will mispronounce something while speaking. Making the Call: I will dial the wrong number. I will talk to the wrong person. They will hang up on me. I will not know what to ask them. Phone Related Issues: Feel pressure to keep conversation interesting. I don't feel like I can multitask while talking on the phone. I don't feel comfortable leaving messeges. I don't like using the phone when other people are nearby. However some of my fears are because I am not very skilled with using the phones in general. From not having to use one for over 10 years, I am not familiar with all the buttons on the wireless phones, including my cellphone. I'm afraid I'll press the wrong thing and it may call a random person. I guess talking to someone I don't know skyrockets my anxiety more than keeping a conversation going and using the phone. I don't know who the person so I don't know HOW to talk to them and therefore find myself trapped in an awkward conversation on the phone with them. And i'm sure there is more fears I have but those ones are what I can think of at the moment. My goals towards overcoming this fear is going to be very slow. My mom recently told me something that made me want to get over this fear and gave me a little exposure therapy of it yesterday in the morning. She wanted me to have a conversation with her on the phone while in the same room. Seemed really silly to do but it actually helped me a bit. She said when I feel anxious that I can say this phrase "The phone is my friend". Again, sounds really silly but it helps me. So what I'm going to do is for now. I'll do the following off and on for a few weeks. 1. Talk to my mom on the phone several times a week 2. I will not 'hide' and be quiet and freeze up when the phone rings in my home. If I'm feeling brave enough, I'll just hand the phone to the nearest person instead. (Normally I will shy away and be silent so someone else has to reach it and answer it, no matter how inconvenient it may be for them.) And that is all I will be tackling for now. I want to take this slow and I want to make sure I defeat this fear once and for all. I believe if I overcame this it would be 40-50% of my SA gone. A lot of it has to do with using the phone and i'm at a stand still in my overall progress because of it. I have so many things I want to do and I don't feel I can since it all leads back to the phone. I'm not sure how often I will post my progress but I will be posting updates about it as much as I can. I am not on any meds or anything, this is just pure me tackling this fear. I am tired of waiting to see another therapist. It is time to take matters into my own hands. There is no time limit to this either. I am trying not to do anything that would scream "overwhelming and pressuring" to me right now. __________________ *"Life is waiting for you, its all messed up but we'll survive"* - Life by Our Lady Peace __________________________________________________ _ Looking for more friends, Age: 20-24, preferrably female PM me any time ^_^

06-29-2010, 04:42 PM	#2 (permalink)
Chri588 Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Kent, United Kingdom Gender: Male Age: 23 Posts: 96	I know exactly how you feel. I hate using phones. I think my biggest fear is not knowing what to say, or saying the wrong thing. If I really have to make a call, I will go over the conversation again and again in my head, trying to cover everything that could be said. I put off having to make the call for hours on end, I hate it. Good luck with your goals, hope you manage to beat this fear, and I think that taking it slow is a good idea. Don't want to try and tackle too much at once. __________________ What is the meaning of life? Whatever you want it to be.

06-29-2010, 07:31 PM	#3 (permalink)
~Jessie~ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 338	Making the call for me never happens because of those same fears. Once in a blue moon I will answer the phone without hesitation but I can't always wait for that "blue moon" moment haha It also doesn't help that I don't have very many people I can call for 'exposure' therapy anymore. I am going to just take baby steps up the ladder to tackle the fear. A safety behaviour that I do is sometimes I will wait til the answering machine gets it and if its my brother or my mom, they usually will say "Hey, its me, pick up the phone" so I do and have a brief conversation. But even for family, it is still nerve-wracking because I am just not use to talking on the phone very much. I just thought of how I sometimes sound angry when speaking to someone on the phone but it is just because I am super nervous about it. I don't want to give off that impression of being negative towards anyone at all. __________________ *"Life is waiting for you, its all messed up but we'll survive"* - Life by Our Lady Peace __________________________________________________ _ Looking for more friends, Age: 20-24, preferrably female PM me any time ^_^

06-29-2010, 08:04 PM	#4 (permalink)
millenniumman75 Status: Super Moderator Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Dayton, OH Gender: Male Age: 36 Posts: 75,917	I am getting better at this - no one has ever yelled at me. I'd yell right back at them! __________________ millenniumman75 You are a success story waiting to happen! Live and let live VACUUMS more than a Hoover.... Live and HELP live is better! TROLL ALERT STATUS: CHAT -> ERNIE (infractions only - ALL count toward bans!) WATCH WHAT YOU TYPE IN CHAT! FORUM -> BERT(warnings and infractions may be issued.)

06-29-2010, 11:25 PM	#5 (permalink)
Miss Meggie Status: and i won't back down Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Norfolk, CT Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 1,122	That's a great list of fears and you seem to have some good exposures planned! In my experience, having a good understanding of your fears and a set list of exposures really helps get over the fear. I understand completely your fear of the telephone. I was 17 before I made my first phone call. And, like you, it was to my mother. It wasn't really until the last few months that I've felt more comfortable making phone calls. I still get anxious calling places like my doctor's office and stuff, but that anxiety is going away too. So I wish you luck. Please post as you go along! __________________ "It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more." -Albus Dumbledore Worth My Weight- My "Recovery" Blog

06-30-2010, 06:57 AM	#6 (permalink)
pita Status: subtastic Join Date: Jan 2004 Gender: Female Posts: 6,966	I think you can definitely lessen your fear of phones. I've made significant improvements, myself. Good luck with your goals.

06-30-2010, 07:18 AM	#7 (permalink)
Jessie203 Status: . Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 2,902	Nice job Jessie. You seem very mature and practical with approaching this. I'm very sure you will soon be a chatterbox on the phone!!! =)

06-30-2010, 07:26 AM	#8 (permalink)
Pr0n Status: SAS Member Join Date: May 2010 Gender: Male Posts: 114	I don't have much problems answering the phone, but calling is just traumatic. I don't know why, but I hate making phone calls. I feel childish when I have to make someone else make callings for me.

06-30-2010, 08:11 AM	#9 (permalink)
~Jessie~ Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Ottawa, Ontario, Canada Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 338	Aww thank you everyone. I have been avoiding it right now for the time being because I have a wedding to stress over instead lol. I suppose my fear stems a bit from how I've seen my family handle it, they had some arguments over the phone in the past and so I worry that one of them will do the same with me. Also it didn't help that when my grandparents were still around(all have passed now), my dad's mom wouldn't ever say bye at all. She would talk to you on the phone and when conversation ended, she'd hang up on you lol. It kind of confused me since a few times I wanted to say something else and I would hear a click on the other end I didn't include the bad effects it has on me but as a result of this fear. I can't make appointments for anything or call to cancel if I need to, get a job and dating(not that it is on my top priority list at all right now) and just anyone who wants to talk to me on the phone. I may ask my mom to do a little bit of exposure later if there is time or tomorrow. For now I am keeping my cellphone with me as usually I shove it off somewhere across the room to avoid anyone who calls me instead of texting which doesn't happen that often, thankfully. It was my sister's phone before so some of her friends forget and call her on it instead of on her new one. Would be nice to get another cellphone but don't have the funds for it sigh __________________ *"Life is waiting for you, its all messed up but we'll survive"* - Life by Our Lady Peace __________________________________________________ _ Looking for more friends, Age: 20-24, preferrably female PM me any time ^_^

06-30-2010, 03:43 PM	#10 (permalink)
danberado Status: Powering through. Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: San Jose, CA Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,571	Yeah, I have this phobia too and was thinking of starting my own goal thread about it, but having noticed this, I think I'll just leech off yours instead! I've been putting off 3 or 4 important phone calls for a few months now. I was also going to call a job resource program today, but couldn't build up the nerve. My current goal is to make all of these calls by the end of the week. __________________ Join SASers United Against Gender Wars! ======================== "I can show you things I have read in the bible or the Boxcar Children as well. What purpose would that serve? Using a book to validate itself should be a self-explanatory example of irrational." ~Foh_Teej I'm a demon, If demons are mediocre. I'm a bagel. And that bagel is stale, So pass the cottage cheese. I'm a rock climber. If rocks are gentle slopes. Chicken nuggets reside inside of me.

07-01-2010, 02:27 PM	#12 (permalink)
danberado Status: Powering through. Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: San Jose, CA Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,571	I just had a phone call about my anxiety and now I'm going to be feeling weird and uncomfortable about it all day. What a nightmare. __________________ Join SASers United Against Gender Wars! ======================== "I can show you things I have read in the bible or the Boxcar Children as well. What purpose would that serve? Using a book to validate itself should be a self-explanatory example of irrational." ~Foh_Teej I'm a demon, If demons are mediocre. I'm a bagel. And that bagel is stale, So pass the cottage cheese. I'm a rock climber. If rocks are gentle slopes. Chicken nuggets reside inside of me.

07-02-2010, 02:19 PM	#13 (permalink)
JimmyDeansRetartedCousin Status: User Requested Temporary Ban Join Date: Nov 2009 Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 4,168	A good trick is to smile when you answer the phone, it will come across in the communication and get things off on a good start. Some people are just miserable though, unwavering positivity winds them up no end.

07-02-2010, 03:35 PM	#14 (permalink)
Hello22 Status: Permanently Manned! Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: The Emerald Isle Gender: Female Age: 24 Posts: 2,229	I used to have this problem a long time ago - i just couldnt pick up the phone. I found the more exposure i got from answering calls, the less anxious i would get making/ answering calls in the long run.

07-02-2010, 05:54 PM	#15 (permalink)
danberado Status: Powering through. Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: San Jose, CA Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 1,571	For me answering isn't the same at all, because the onus is on the caller to get to the point. __________________ Join SASers United Against Gender Wars! ======================== "I can show you things I have read in the bible or the Boxcar Children as well. What purpose would that serve? Using a book to validate itself should be a self-explanatory example of irrational." ~Foh_Teej I'm a demon, If demons are mediocre. I'm a bagel. And that bagel is stale, So pass the cottage cheese. I'm a rock climber. If rocks are gentle slopes. Chicken nuggets reside inside of me.

07-02-2010, 06:07 PM	#16 (permalink)
Keith Status: People are Strange Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Massachusetts US&A Gender: Male Age: 27 Posts: 4,350	I used to have a really bad phone phobia but i manged to mostly overcome it i still hate leaving messages and sometimes calling to order food but i do it. Sometimes i still won't answer my phone but overall I've gotten a lot better with practice. My last job really desensitized me with phones i had to answer the phone there and talk to strangers which was so tough at first, i felt super anxious every time the phone rang and sometimes i would just let it ring and let a a co-worker pick it up but with practice i became alot more comfortable with it. I just want to wish you luck and i just wanted to share so that you can see that it is possible to make improvements with practice.Keep working at it and you will get alot better! __________________ "Difficulties are things that show a person what they are" -Epictetus "If your going through hell, keep going" -Winston Churchill "We must make the best of what is under our control, and take the rest as nature is" - Epictetus Check out a few pieces of my music: http://soundcloud.com/nachtmusik-1

07-02-2010, 06:32 PM	#17 (permalink)
Glacial Status: SAS Member Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Maryland, USA Gender: Male Age: 25 Posts: 2,155	I don't really have telephonobia anymore, but I used to. I remember sometimes I would start to dial a phone number 15 times and hang up midway each time. There have even been times when I dialed the entire number and hung up real quick after the person answered because I got too scared...I think it was when I was calling about a job of all things! That was about three years ago.

07-02-2010, 07:32 PM	#18 (permalink)
Jendayi Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2009 Posts: 12	I've had a phone phobia since 2006 and I believe I know exactly where it stems from. Shortly after my ex and I broke up, his dad called me with some extremely upsetting news. The relationship, itself, had already been pretty psychologically traumatizing but what his dad told me on that day sent me close to the edge of a breakdown. I thought the tears would never stop but somehow they did and I went back to work( I was home on my lunchbreak at the time). Well...my work involved being on the phones and in the middle of a call, the tears came back. I had to leave work and called in for the next two days. And now, four years later, any phone interaction triggers the memories of that day. I hardly ever answer the phone or return calls unless its my family.

07-03-2010, 06:04 AM	#19 (permalink)
Girl_Loner Status: SAS Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Cardboard Box Gender: Female Posts: 575	I used to have all the same symptoms as you Jessie, phone calls were terrifying.I just wouldnt do it. On the rare occasion I would but it was only because the alternitive was worse. Being made to order food knowing that If I didnt I would get yelled at. I would do crazy things like get changed into 'good' clothes brush my hair, brush my teeth wait till other people were out of the room. As I was scared they would hear what I said and think I was stupid or they would distract me while I was on the phone and I would mess it up. I can call anyone now, I do still have slight hesitation but only for a minute. My family all knew to do a certain 'ring' twice/hang up then call again and I would answer. Amazing they didnt realise that this was NOT typical behaviour. But I was challenged through therapy to make my next appointment myself, and not to get someone to call for me. Over time this helped a great deal and I slowly grew more comfortable calling and answering the phone. I think your on a great track, and your right give yourself time. You can do it. x

09-07-2010, 08:14 AM	#20 (permalink)
knitknack Status: SAS Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Posts: 4	always been that way I have always had an issue with the phone. I thought it was just me for the longest time. I was looking online and found out that it's an actual fear. I get a lot of friends tell me they don't like to make phone calls but I don't think they understand the extent of this fear. My anxiety rises just thinking of making or answer the phone. As the phone rings I plan what I'm going to say when someone answers. I want to listen to what they say when they answer to make sure I've called the right place. What if I called the wrong number, what if it's a different business/office now? Someone answers and I they mumble so I don't really know what they've said, my anxiety goes up. I start to speak and stumble over my words and the person doesn't hear my so I have to repeat myself. I don't know what to say, I say the wrong thing, I called the wrong department, I don't know the answer. The person is mean, making me feel stupid. When the call is over, I cry, all the emotions are able to be released and the worst part is, I have to call somewhere else. I'm lucky to have my husband who usually makes all my phone calls for me. He hates doing it and always says the wrong thing but at least I don't have to always do it. I try and put everything in his name or else they'll ask for me to be put on the phone. I email when I can even when someone says to call them. I try and text but feel bad if they don't have unlimited texting. I avoid jobs that require I use the phone and I have in the past kept working as the phone rang, waiting for someone else to answer it. My recent issue: I want to see a therapist about my anxiety but I have to call and make the appointment. I've already called a couple places, one isn't accepting new patients (cried after that call) and the other transferred me twice to an answer machine where I relunctantly left a message after 3 tries.