It's not always as bad as it is right now because I'm studying abroad and am an outsider even among outsiders. I'm trying to cope by remembering that I'm in a beautiful city and that it will be over soon and that someday (hopefully) I will no longer be so alone. I actually got really drunk for the first time in my life this evening and realized that I'm mostly the same as when I'm bitterly sober - except that my vision is slow and blurry and I talk slower. I still keep my thoughts to myself, except I'm more paranoid and misanthropic. Strange thing is that I'm nearly as socially anxious as before, but I just don't care what anyone thinks at that point at the same time. I have yet to make sense of this. I probably shouldn't write posts like this at 2 am when I'm still kinda drunk. First real time, though.