Hi Merlynn, I'm new here and very confused with much of the same feelings you have. Depression sucks. Have you told your fiance how you are feeling? I am divorced 3 times.. They all knew I suffered from severe depression, but somehow I was able to not really deal with the feelings. Still haven't and still confused. And convinced I sabotaged each marriage that way. I have no friends as it is "safer" without them (very mucked up thought processes going on). I can fully understand your entire post. I worked from home the last 10 years. Not much need to leave the house then. If I could post a hug and a good cry I would. I could probably use the same. Hang in there and consider speaking of your feelings to your loved one.
Not sure if I'm replying correctly lol. Yeah he knows, he's witnessed many of my breakdowns when I can't just hold it in anymore. He doesn't really understand since he doesn't know the feeling but he tries to help however he can. Gives me words of encouragement and such. There's nothing he can really do though so I mostly try to keep the bulk of it from him. I hate that you feel the same way but glad you understand. Makes me feel less crazy lol. I may be close to having no friends soon too. I keep ignoring them. One just texted me asking if I was still awake but I'm pretending not to be. I've already gotten my cries out for the day but *hugs* and thanks for talking to me