Hi Merlynn, I'm new here and very confused with much of the same feelings you have. Depression sucks. Have you told your fiance how you are feeling? I am divorced 3 times.. They all knew I suffered from severe depression, but somehow I was able to not really deal with the feelings. Still haven't and still confused. And convinced I sabotaged each marriage that way. I have no friends as it is "safer" without them (very mucked up thought processes going on). I can fully understand your entire post. I worked from home the last 10 years. Not much need to leave the house then. If I could post a hug and a good cry I would. I could probably use the same. Hang in there and consider speaking of your feelings to your loved one.