The fact that you keep trying so hard shows that you have some measure of faith. I experience this too. Here's a passage I remembered about that:
Matthew 17:20 "He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
Here is a commentary about that passage that explains it better than I could:
As a grain of mustard-seed - See the notes at Matthew 13:31-32
. The mustard-seed was the smallest of all seeds. It has been supposed by some, therefore, that he meant to say, If you have the smallest or feeblest faith that is genuine, you can do all things. The mustard-seed produced the largest of all herbs. It has been supposed by others, therefore, to mean, If you have increasing, expanding, enlarged faith, growing and strengthening from small beginnings, you can perform the most difficult undertaking. There is a principle of vitality in the grain of seed stretching forward to great results, which illustrates the nature of faith. Your faith should be like that. This is probably the true meaning. Ye shall say unto this mountain ... - Probably he pointed to a mountain near, to assure them that if they had such faith they might accomplish the most difficult undertakings - things that at first would appear impossible.
It seems you are genuinely seeking God and that is genuine faith. I sometimes don't feel it in my heart either, I think its common. It does not mean that God is not working in you with the result to be shown later, as a mustard seed grows to be larger than all the herbs.