Well, obviously I'm new here. Just made a profile. It's 4 am where I am and I've been up all night because I'm really angry about having to feel ugly all the time and having to feel like a complete loser compared to all the normal people. I've been on medication in the past and all it did was stop my panic attacks; I still didn't like myself. I was bullied since I was 9 because boys were always telling me how ugly I was. That went up to grade 12 and then after that, I was just ignored. I didn't have a date until I was 25. I'm in a relationship still with the 2nd guy who ever expressed any interest in me. He expects me to just "snap out of it" and be confident based on delusions of adequacy. And as for being ugly, I should just pretend I'm attractive and look at all the other ugly people out there who are insane enough to think they are hot stuff. Apparently they are fine examples of how to live life in a state of positive psychosis. I was unaware that simply being confident was enough able to warp the fabric of reality and make ugly people shimmering visions of beauty to the weak minded.
Anyway, it's the middle of the night and I'm rambling. I have no idea what the hell I am doing.