My mom can be very loving and nurturing but she can also be very judgemental. I was a very oversensitive child and she made me feel very bad about who I was and like I was not a survivor, and that I was selfish, etc. Our relationship is still very complicated but I love her and it has gotten better. I felt like my brother was looked on as the good child and I hated him for it, which got me more judgement and isolation from my family.
Do we have the same mother, sophieness07? I had a nearly identical experience growing up in my own family, including the brother who was everyone's favorite. I have a decent relationship with my family now, mostly on a superficial level, but I can't shake my lack of confidence in myself or a fear in taking risks knowing I'll face judgment from them.